


The Last Resort

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Underage - Freeform, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5008714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Kili's father unexpectedly died in an orc attack, he was asked to live with his uncles and aunts. Not wanting to be separated from his family, he tried to refuse them but to no avail, so in desperation he turned to Thorin. The solution Thorin gave was both ingenious and appalling: He would pretend to be courting Kili. And as if it wasn't complicated enough that they're related and Kili wasn't adult yet, Thorin seemed to have a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually either the first or second fic I've ever written for Hobbit fandom. I didn't post it because I stupidly thought that I could finish Heart of Stone quickly (ha!). You may notice some similarities between this chapter and the first chapter of Heart of Stone. The writing is, in my opinion, also a little different from what I do nowadays. I'm trying to fix that as I go, so it'll be a slow update.
> 
> The fic is set around 9 years before the quest. Kili and Fili are, by dwarf standard, still not legally an adult. Ratings may change in the future but, knowing me, I give it an M to be safe.

There was no funeral for his father, as his body was never recovered. There was only a letter, informing Dis that her husband had perished in a battle with orcs to protect his employee. Attached to the letter was a bag of coins which Dis threw to the wall before leaving for her room. It was cold, brief, impersonal. With just a message, Kili’s life changed forever.

Kili looked at Fili who was staring at the letter with a blank expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something to distract from the sobs coming from Dis's room, but Fili interrupted him.

"Not now, Kili," he said. He avoided Kili's eyes and left the house quietly.

Kili stared at the door from where Fili had gone. A part of him wanted to follow Fili, to take comfort from the dwarf he had associated with joy and peace. However, his feet felt heavy as lead. He couldn't summon the urge to move. Kili weakly picked up the parchment on the table and read it over and over and over until he forgot the meaning of words other that ‘death’.

He didn't know how long he had stood in the middle of the room, holding the letter. All he knew was that Dis was still crying and Fili hadn't returned. He felt numb and confused. Just a few weeks ago he saw his father off. Vilir had promised to return with souvenirs: A new blade for Fili and sweetened fruits for Kili. He had waved at them as he rode his pony toward the gate of Ered Luin, a strong dwarf with a beautiful smile and deadly sword hand that many admired and his sons adored. But now suddenly he wouldn’t return. Kili wouldn’t ever see him again, wouldn’t talk to him again, wouldn’t spend time with him again.

"Kili."

Kili blinked when he heard the voice, but didn't move. The parchment was slowly pulled away from his grasp, then a few moment later there was a warm, strong hand on his shoulder. There was a brief flash of irrational thought that this was his father returning from travel, that this was one of his terrible jokes gone too far, that he was still alive. But, no, the hand was stronger, the voice deeper; this wasn't his father. Kili’s chest constricted painfully.

"Where is your brother?" Thorin asked.

Kili opened his mouth to answer, found it painfully dry, swallowed, then tried again. "Out." He croaked out.

"I see. Why don't you take a rest?" Thorin suggested. He pulled Kili with him when Kili wouldn't move, leading him to the room he shared with Fili. If he noticed Kili's flinch as Dis's sobs grew louder the closer they came to the bedrooms, he didn't show it. Thorin patted his back as Kili entered his room.

It was rude to close the door on a king, but Kili couldn't care less at the moment. He shut the door firmly, then slowly went to his bed where he lay quietly, counting his heartbeat until he couldn't remember what number he was on and his eyes were heavy with more than sleepiness.

When he awoke in the morning, Fili was on his own bed across the room, sleeping. Kili stared at his brother, his eyes locked on the way his chest rise and fall as he breathes slowly. The sobs had gone, he noticed distantly. The house was silent and cold, unfamiliar and frightening.

"Father is dead," Kili said softly to himself, tasting the bitterness of the word on his tongue. "Dead," He whispered again. Kili closed his eyes and forced back the burning in his chest and eyes. He curled up on his side in a vain attempt to return heat to his core, feeling to his heart, and then quietly he sobbed.

* * *

 

Although there was no funeral, a formal announcement was made that the king’s brother in-law had passed away. Fili and Kili made a short appearance clad in black, quietly standing behind Thorin as he listed their father’s many strengths and accomplishment. They returned home shortly afterward, too grieved to receive the many lords who had come to give their condolences. Thorin was fortunately understanding and sent them away as soon as he could and made sure that no one bothered them.

Fili managed to crack a tiny smile a couple of day later and though his pat on Kili's shoulder was weak, at least it offered some semblance of normalcy. Meanwhile, Dis still hadn't left her room. They didn’t try to coax her out, understanding that she needed the time to mourn. Dwarfs loved only once and the loss of that love could devastate even the hardest dwarf hearts, cracking what was so often thought to be as solid as the stone they originated from. Some called it a curse, an unimaginable cost for the rare coveted love, and after days of witnessing silence, tears, and isolation, Kili was inclined to agree.

"How do you find the soup?" Thorin asked them when he found them having breakfast in the kitchen. They’re having soup Thorin had brought when he came just now. Kili was grateful for it, as he wasn't sure he could stomach anything heavier than that. His appetite barely existed, made worse by the sick feeling at the thought of his father gone and his mother in deep mourning.

“It’s delicious!” Kili replied, smiling gratefully, earning a relieved nod from Thorin.

"How is mother?" Fili asked, glancing to the hall leading to the rooms. Thorin had gone to Dis’s room with a bowl of soup as soon as he arrived. Since the death of Vilir, he was the only one who came in contact with Dis. Fili and Kili had tried, but they couldn’t quite summon the will to persist to comfort her and nurse her back to health. Dis wasn’t the only one grieving.

"She's resting," Thorin said as he took a seat with his nephews. His movements were slow and there were tired lines on his face. He had been busy taking care of his sister and nephews while maintaining his business and performing his duty as the king for the past few days. He came in the morning to bring breakfast and then later again that night to make sure that they’re doing well. He also sent a housekeeper to help the young siblings take care of their house. Kili instantly felt guilty for the trouble he had caused. Thorin had more than enough in his hands as it were.

"Would you like something to eat?" Kili offered in apology.

Thorin smiled at him tiredly. "Yes, please."

They ate together in silence. Kili shifted on his seat restlessly. He glanced at Fili who was normally better at making polite conversation, but his brother was staring at his bowl, eating slowly. Thorin didn't seem inclined to speak either, although that was to be expected. Kili's mind turned unbidden to his father who always had stories to tell, bringing smiles and laughter wherever he went. Kili swallowed thickly at the still-fresh memory, his eyes stinging, but he took a deep breath to calm himself. His father had died and he must move on. There’s an uncertain future in front of him now that required his attention and he wouldn’t have his father with him.

"What's going to happen now?" Kili said without thinking.

Thorin looked at him, then put down his spoon and pushed his bowl away, Fili and Kili quickly following suit. "I will lie if you say your life will be easy," Thorin said grimly. “I can provide anything you need and want, help you in any way I can, but that will only harm you in the future. You need to learn to be independent. I’m sure your parents would want that,” he said, referring to the fact that Dis and Vilir had refused the privileges offered to the family of the princess of Erebor, preferring instead to live by their own means even though that meant living in simplicity rather than luxury. Thorin turned to Fili. "Starting tomorrow you will take apprenticeship at my forge. We will rearrange your schedule with Balin so you can still continue your study and training while working. From now on, you are head of this household. You must protect your family at any cost."

Fili back straightened and he nodded with a firm expression. "Yes, Thorin."

Kili felt a burst of pride and admiration despite the situation. Fili was always willing to shoulder responsibilities, whether as the oldest son, the head of the house, a prince, or Thorin's heir. Unlike Kili who wasn't above manipulating his way out of duties, the word 'no' barely ever left Fili's mouth. That wouldn’t do anymore, however. Kili was still many years away from his coming of age but he had to be more responsible. Hardship was before his family and he must not make the burden heavier.

Thorin nodded his approval to Fili then turned to Kili. He began to smile at him but then it fell and he sighed deeply. Kili and Fili glanced at each other. It was rare to see Thorin so openly troubled since he usually kept his emotions tightly reined, even before family. This anomaly spread nervousness inside Kili’s chest. He waited for him to speak tensely.

"Kili," he said gravely, "Your father's family has requested that you live with them from now on. They are on their way to here to take you with them."

It took several seconds for Kili to absorb the words. Surely he had heard wrong. Surely he wasn’t to be separated from his mother and brother so soon after his father’s death. It was Fili's protest which brought him to his senses and realized that indeed Thorin had said what he feared.

"Kili is not leaving us!" Fili cried out.

Thorin frowned in displeasure. "I'm sure you know that your father's family has no male heir. His siblings have been requesting Kili to continue their family name and business for many years now, as you are my heir. Vilir declined, but with his passing, they made another request.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I suppose I have to be honest with you. The reason why your parents were so vehemently against the proposal wasn’t only because they wanted to keep Kili close. We believe that your uncles and aunts were trying to gain political leverage through him.”

“Political leverage?” Kili repeated, confused.

Thorin nodded. “You are second in line to the throne of Erebor. We fear that their intention is not only to raise you to inherit their family name and business, but to control you and use your position as a Durin to their benefit. Are you familiar with their trades?”

Kili nodded. His parents never spoke of it openly, but he understood from pieces of past conversations that his father’s family was involved in a less than honest business which involved tricking people into entering unfair contracts and trades. Vilir had left his family for this reason and he had tried to keep his distance from them ever since. With such questionable profession, Kili could only imagine what they would do with any political power over Middle Earth.

“Gloin has looked into it and it seems that they’re no longer involved in those activities, or at least he finds no evidence to the contrary. However, Gloin warns me to be careful with them and I suggest you do the same."

Kili had met his father's siblings a few times in the past. He knew they were successful merchants, always lavishly dressed and crouched protectively over their precious metals. He remembered well their mocking eyes as they took in the humble state of Kili's house, the condescending tone they used on Vilir, the envious eyes they turned toward Fili, and the greed in their voices and eyes when they saw Kili. He never liked them and the possible ulterior motive Thorin just shared strengthened his resolve to stay in Ered Luin.

“I think Gloin’s concern is most probably correct. I must not go with them,” Kili said grimly.

"What can we do to stop them?" Fili asked.

Thorin's face darkened with regret. "It is a family matter," he said quietly. Kili could see his jaw tightening with each word, as if uttering them was physically difficult for him. "By our custom, widows and the children are to be the responsibility of the late husbands' family. My objection, as the representative from your mother's family, although will be considered, will not be held high. As a king, I am also expected to obey traditions, so I can't order them to let you stay."

Fili made a noise of frustration and glared at the table. Kili watched him and then Thorin who returned to his meal. Kili's hands clenched into fists. There was a small voice in his head telling him to run to his mother for comfort and protection. But, she couldn't provide those now and if he was taken away by his relatives, there would be no maternal comfort for him anymore.

"There must be some other way!" Kili said, turning to Thorin in desperation. "I want to stay here with Mother, Fili and you! Please, Thorin, don't make me go with them!"

For a long time Thorin didn't answer and Kili began to fear his plea was for nothing. Fili put a heavy hand on his shoulder to offer some familiar assurance. Kili bit his lip. He had just lost his father and now they wanted to take him away from his mother and brother, too? No. He didn’t want to leave them. His uncles and aunts might be able to offer better care but Kili would rather be with his mother and Fili struggling to survive than those who only saw him as an investment for a wealthy future.

"There is a way," Thorin said slowly, "But you might find it unfavorable."

"It doesn’t matter!" Kili begged, leaning toward his uncle. "I'll do anything to stay!"

Thorin looked at him for a long time, considering. With each second words weren't said, fear gripped Kili tighter and tighter. Fili's fingers dug deeper into his skin, conveying similar emotion.

Finally, Thorin spoke, "I can announce my intention to take you as my consort."

Kili's eyes widened as Fili gasped sharply behind him. "What?" Fili exclaimed angrily.

Thorin's eyes flickered up to meet Fili's. "The courting will be in name only, but it will require Kili to be prepared for the role. That way, your father's family will be forced to leave him here. When two years from now Fili is declared to be an adult, he can demand them to leave you be and I will cease my courtship."

This seemed to calm Fili a little but he wasn't entirely assured. "What if they refuse to listen? I know them. They would do anything to get what they want. What then? You'll continue the courtship and take Kili to your bed?" Fili demanded. Beside him, Kili flinched.

"Then the courtship will extend to until he becomes an adult. I assure you that it isn’t my intention to do this to marry him."

"I won’t come of age until another seven years. Isn’t that too long for courtship? Won’t people be expecting you to marry me by then?" Kili inquired, quite shaken. The thought of being the royal consort of his own uncle made his stomach somersault violently.

Thorin turned to him, eyes softening, "It is longer than usual, but I’m sure they’ll understand, considering your age. Once you come of age you can make your decisions freely. You may refuse my proposal and reject your relatives' request at will and none of us can force you to choose otherwise."

“Won’t breaking the courtship be frowned upon? After all, you’re a king and if a courtship is announced, people will expect a marriage out of it,” Kili pointed out.

“Us dwarfs respect those who choose to dedicate their lives to their crafts. I won’t be able to refuse if you ask to focus on any profession of your choice. I admit there will be protests but I will take the full responsibility for everything.”

Kili’s eyes widened at the implication. “You will take the blame? But-“

Thorin held up his hand, stopping him. “I’m the adult in this situation, so I should know better. You’re not at fault for not knowing better, just as right now you’re not at fault for wanting to stay with your mother and brother. The blame is mine to take, not you. The sensible will see that.”

Kili looked down at the table. _Years_ of courtship! He had mocked those who were being courted, boasting about his freedom to do as he pleased, to act only for himself with no thought for those who shared their life with him. He was distantly aware of the possibility of courting someone but he thought he had more time to enjoy his interests and passions and hone his skills for his future. To think it would happen to him now, when marriage was but a distant foreign concept, when he was still counting the seasons till Fili's coming of age! Not to mention he was to be courted by his own uncle, the King under the Mountain, to be his future royal consort!

But what other choice did he have? Fili might be the head of their family now, but not being an adult yet would put his opinions below that of their aunts and uncles', and their mother.... Kili glanced at the hall and his hope for her protection was dashed by the silence.

"Man might frown upon the fact that we are both male, but they know such practice isn't rare in our custom. As for the fact that we are relatives, while unusual, it is not unheard of in any race for this kind of marriage to happen to maintain the purity of the blood and protect the family's power and wealth." Thorin explained further. "If there is any issue with this plan, it is that you are not yet an adult. It is quite unusual to start courting someone so young."

Fili frowned. "Won't it harm your reputation then?" he asked, worried for Thorin's standing in the society despite everything.

Thorin nodded. "It will doubtlessly draw some disapproval. But as long as I don't cross any line and perform my responsibilities well, they’ll accept it sooner or later."

"Won't people expect you to produce an heir?" Kili asked nervously.

"I have an heir," Thorin replied, looking at Fili, "and I have no intention of producing another."

"And what if youfind your One?" Kili asked again.

Thorin was suddenly silent. Beside Kili, Fili tensed up.

"My priority is to keep you here with your mother and brother," Thorin said slowly, "I will wait until you come of age before deciding any matter regarding my One."

Thorin's argument was convincing, Kili must admit. However, it didn't erase his trepidation. It wasn't a real courtship. They would only be pretending and in two years, if they were lucky, they would end the charade. But, that’s a very long time of having his wings clipped and people watching his every move and judging him! However, the alternative wasn't much better: a lifetime with relatives whom he despised and despised him back. Would spending the rest of his life with them be better than Thorin's suggestion? Kili highly doubted it.

"You don't have to accept," Thorin said gently, "I will not force this on you."

Kili smiled wearily, "What other choice do I have? I suppose you could marry me off to someone..." Fili's grip tightened once more, but Kili ignored him, "Which is the same as what you are suggesting right now. So, yes, I agree."

The smile of Thorin's face was equal part regret and relief. Kili tried his best to return it, although he wasn't sure he succeeded. "Fili?" Thorin asked, turning to the older brother.

"If Kili agrees, then I have no objection," he said through gritted teeth. "But this courtship should be in name only. If you touch him..."

"I assure you that I won't. I only want to protect him," Thorin said to placate Fili. Once he sensed that Fili had begrudgingly accepted, he spoke to Kili again, "Then you are to follow your brother's schedule. During the day when he worked, you can practice on your own, study, or do whatever you please. You may also come to the forge to watch us work if you wish, but I won't have you as my apprentice yet." He waited for Kili to nod before continuing, "Tomorrow I will bring you a gift as traditionally required to mark a request to start a courtship. We will not make any announcement yet-this is only for precaution. When your relatives arrive, FIli and I will try to refuse their request, but if that fails, I will inform them of my intention toward you and that you have accepted it."

Kili felt ill with thoughts of what was to come. Caught between two unpleasant choices, he could only hope he had made the correct decision. He studied Thorin’s face and saw genuine affection there among worry and regret. There were many things uncertain, but Kili knew Thorin would never disappoint him. He had given his word to try to keep Kili in Ered Luin and he would do his best to keep it. Here with him, under his care and protection, Kili would truly be safe from those who sought to use him.

Kili took a deep breath and nodded. "I understand."

* * *

 

Kili hoped for an easy transition. He hoped he and Fili quickly adjusted to their new responsibilities. He hoped he didn’t have to leave his family. He hoped, most of all, that he didn’t have to pretend to be courted by his own uncle. But that wasn't how it went.

It was clear from the second his uncles and aunts came that they were determined to take him away. Though flanked by Thorin and Fili, Kili still felt vulnerable. He fisted his hands and stared defiantly at the unwelcomed guests, but his heart pounded nervously in his chest. He knew it wouldn’t be an easy conversation.

“I’m sure you know why we’re here,” Dwonlir, Vilir’s eldest and only brother, began.

An unmarried dwarf, he focused his entire life to his business. Though there was no shame in dwarfs who dedicated their lives to their works rather than making space for another dwarf, Kili always sensed bitterness in the way Dwonlir viewed his brother’s family. It was his greedy eyes that Kili most disliked.

“We’d like to take Kili with us to raise as the heir of our family. We think it’s for his benefit, seeing as Vilir has just passed away. It must be difficult for Dis to raise two sons on her own. We can provide the care and education he needs,” Dwonlir continued.

“Thank you for your concern, but it’s not necessary,” Fili said. Though he appeared calm Kili detected tension in his body language. Clearly, he was wary of their relatives, and for good reasons. “As my father has passed away, I am now replacing him as the head of my family. There’s no need to be worried of our survival. Thorin has agreed to employ me at his forge so that I can provide for my family. Moreover, Kili has told me that he’d rather stay in Ered Luin.”

“You poor thing. It must be difficult to bear such responsibility at your age,” Kaziaya, Kili’s aunt, cooed. What should be kind words seemed malicious when combined with the mocking gleam in her blue eyes. “When will your coming of age be? I’m afraid I’ve forgotten.”

Fili gritted his teeth. “In two years’ time.”

“Well! Two years!” Kaziaya exclaimed. “That’s still a while to go, isn’t it?”

Her husband, Hevog, nodded in agreement. “It is. It will be difficult to do everything on your own. Fortunately, you still have your mother to help you. Where is she? I haven’t seen her.”

“She is recuperating,” Thorin said, speaking for the first time. His authority was immediately clear. Even though he had made it clear that he was here only as a representative of Dis’s family instead of the king, Kili’s uncles and aunts stiffened at the sound of his voice, looking at him in both fear and admiration. “You know how it is when someone loses her One.”

“Indeed,” Dwonlir said after a pause. “I hope that she’s well?” At Thorin’s confirming nod, he continued, more carefully than before, “These mourning periods could last months. What will happen to her sons, if I may ask?”

“We can take care of ourselves!” Kili snapped impatiently, unable to keep his silence. He scowled when Thorin patted his knee lightly, reminding him to behave.

“I’m sure you can,” Dwonlir said. “But both of you are still young. Don’t you think that it’s better if you stay with us so you don’t have to face such hardship?”

“I don’t mind hardship,” Kili grumbled, scowling but watching his tone, minding Thorin’s warning.

“If Kili wants to stay, he should stay. Mother would want the same,” Fili stated.

“But your mother isn’t here, is she?” Theilaya, their father’s youngest sister, pointed out.

Thorin took a deep breath. “Regardless, she’d want to be near her sons.”

“I’m sure she would, but is it for their best interest? We understand that Fili is your heir and thus must stay here with you, and Dis has ties to Ered Luin, but we can take care of Kili, lighten their family’s burden,” Dwonlir said again. “Admittedly, we also want him to continue our family business, but I’m sure you see that it’s better to have him under our care so we can give him the attention and anything he needs.”

It was clear that they would not give up their argument. Even Kili must admit that it made sense. He was a minor and currently their family had no income. Living with his uncles and aunts would guarantee a better life. However, he disliked the way they spoke of his family and he didn’t trust them enough to give them power over the dwarf race, no matter how minor through him. Discreetly, Thorin looked at Kili, asking for permission. There was only one way left to bind him to Ered Luin now. Kili’s chest felt tight as he gave a small nod.

“I doubt you can provide the lessons he needs,” Thorin started slowly.

Theilaya frowned. “We assure you we can afford the best teachers and…”

But Thorin shook his head, stopping her. “You may be able to find him the best teachers but none of them can teach him the skills and knowledge required to be a royal consort.”

Shocked silence enveloped the room. Kili’s uncles and aunts looked at him and Thorin in turn, not believing what they had heard. He tried to look unaffected although trepidation grew inside his chest. If he wanted to stay in Ered Luin with his mother and brother, he must not reveal that this was just a trick.

“Royal consort? What do you mean?” Hevog asked, still in shock.

“I have asked for Kili’s permission to court him and he has agreed. I gave him a courtship gift, a hair clasp, and he accepted it.” Thorin took a deep breath. “We intended to keep it quiet until he’s a little older but it seems that we have to reveal it now. I’m courting him to be my future consort and therefore he must stay in Ered Luin to receive proper lessons to prepare him for that role.”

Kili sat mutely as Thorin spoke. It had been said now and couldn’t be withdrawn again. From now on he would be known as Thorin’s future consort. The thought made Kili ill but he had asked for this and agreed to this ruse. Everything came with a price and this was the price he had agreed to pay to stay in Ered Luin. Kili took a steadying breath as protests began to pour in. He knew from the anger in his uncles’ and aunts’ faces that the trick was working and allowed himself a small relief.

“This is preposterous!” Kaziaya protested loudly.

"Courtship? He's just a child!" Theilaya exclaimed.

"What kind of sick perverted..." Hevog started before being abruptly silenced by Dwonlir. The message was clear, however. He cowered under Thorin’s glare but resolutely kept his mouth shut, refusing to apologize.

Kili fisted his hands and opened his mouth to tell his uncles and aunts to watch their tongue in front of the king but Fili held his arm. When Kili looked at him, Fili's lips were set in a grim line. He looked as angry as their relatives were but he held back. He shook his head at Kili, indicating that he shouldn't speak. Kili frowned. How could he keep quiet when Thorin was being insulted?

"Kili, go back to your room," Thorin said quietly.

Kili almost argued but he saw Thorin’s rage simmering just below the surface and thought better of it. He threw one last glance to Fili before returning to his room. In safety, Kili listened to the muffled sound of angry shouts of his father's siblings until one sharp shout silenced everything. He closed his eyes, heavy weight of the finely-crafted hair clasp Thorin had gifted him at the back of his head keeping him strong as he waited for the argument to come to a conclusion. After what seemed to be hours, finally Fili came to their room bearing the news: Kili was to stay in Ered Luin to be properly educated to be Thorin’s consort.

The charade truly started now. Within one day, the news of the courtship had spread across Ered Luin and perhaps beyond it. People pointed and stared when Kili was in public, talking about him behind his back. Their smiles were strained when they talked to him and their treatments toward him unnatural. Kili knew what they were saying when they thought he wasn't listening. Why did Thorin choose him, his own nephew? Why a barely-grown child? Why someone so un-dwarf-like? Had he seduced Thorin? Why would a king even fall for such a poor temptation? Kili did his best to ignore them. He held his head high in public, knowing that this was supposed to be an honor although to him it was a sentence. He reminded himself that no matter how complicated his life had become, at least he could stay in Ered Luin with his family and kept greed out of the power of the Durin’s Folks. Kili breathed a sigh of relief as he watched the ponies carrying his uncles and aunts turned into tiny dots in the distance then blurred into the green landscape.

"Just you and I now, Kili," Fili whispered.

"And mother and Thorin," Kili reminded him.

Fili grimaced but nodded. "And them."

Dis still hadn't emerged from her room but Fili dismissed Thorin's offer to help, taking up the chores abandoned by Dis and dividing them between him and Kili, although the youngest took up some more chores seeing as he spent his day free. He went to solitary hunts despite Fili's precautions, though he didn’t go too far, minding his limited skills. At night, Fili and Kili helped each other with their homework, although most of the time Fili fell asleep the moment he touched the hard mattress. Kili would then did the tasks which should've been Fili's, took half-empty bowls and cups outside Dis's room, and covered his brother with blanket when he finished the chores near midnight. He shook his head when Fili apologized, nodded when he promised to make up for it, spoke nothing of the promises when they were inevitably forgotten.

Once in a while Kili snuck into Fili's bed to sleep next to him, hand pressed against slowly-moving chest or back. Those times he slept better and woke up a little later than usual , Fili not moving until he roused himself from sleep.

One day, Fili removed one of the four chairs on the dining table and made it into firewood. Kili used it to cook them supper with whatever they could afford to buy in the market and burnt the rest to keep him and Fili warm as they did their homework and quizzed each other.

Many nights, Kili woke up just before dawn and stared at the ceiling. He'd listen to the noises of the house, or lack thereof. The ghost of laughter echoed mockingly in his head, sometimes muffled by sobs coming from the room across the hallway. Turning to his side, he saw his new hair clasp on his bedside table, a reminder of the life of lie he must now lead. Kili closed his eyes, wondering what his life had become.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry for the wait. I got distracted by life but I haven't abandoned this, I swear! Now I'll be honest with you, the draft of this fic sucks. Kili keeps accidentally getting in trouble, then whines until someone comes to his rescue. Most of the draft has to be rewritten because a) it's just bad storytelling because nothing ever happens (every conflict is solved off screen) and b) Kili is definitely not passive and won't keep quiet while things happen around him-if anything he acts before he thinks! So, I'm slowly changing these errors, which honestly can be frustrating, so please be patient with me. 
> 
> Now, on to the chapter!

"You’re very quiet lately," Thorin commented one day as they took a walk around the town-or, as Fili put it hatefully, parade him around. Poor as the term might be, Kili couldn’t deny that it held some truth because indeed the purpose of these walks was to convince others that their courtship was true, that they were truly a couple in love, though the thought made Kili mildly ill.

"I'm just tired," Kili said with a shrug. He understood that this play was necessary, but he himself didn’t take much pleasure in pretending to be courted by his own uncle. Receiving Thorin’s attention wasn’t exactly a rarity to him, but reacting to what should appear to be romantic attention was something foreign, not to mention wrong. He had absolutely no experience in courtship and the fact that it was a ploy with his own uncle made things even more confusing to him. He wasn’t sure how to act, whether he appeared receptive enough to the fake advances or too cold and unwilling, although based on how he knew people were talking about him behind his back, he must be acting convincingly.

Thorin glanced at him. "You've been losing weight as well. Have you been taking care of yourself properly?"

Kili looked at Thorin is surprise, not expecting him to notice. He had always been rather slim for a dwarf despite his best efforts to gorge himself with food, and the current difficult condition of his family didn't help, to say nothing of the fact that Dis wasn’t the only one mourning. Still, he did try to take good care of himself and, quite frankly, Thorin wasn’t known for being observant, so he didn’t expect the comment. Was he so obvious in his difficulties? "Things have been rather hectic," he replied.

Beside him, Thorin stopped suddenly, causing Kili to do the same. He looked at Thorin in askance, but he seemed preoccupied with other thoughts. Thorin lifted his hand to brush hair out of Kili's face, tracing his cheekbone with the tips of his fingers. He didn't linger, however, jerking his hand away when he heard Fili growl in warning from a few paces behind them. He gave his older nephew an assuring nod and dropped his hand to his side once again.

Kili could hear a few giggles from around them and wouldn't be surprised if people were staring, but he pretended as if he didn’t notice them. After all, this was the purpose of this walk. Nevertheless, it’s still strange for him to be on the receiving end of stares and talks, which multiplied whenever he was seen with Thorin. He knew that due to him being a Durin’s Folk, he would spend much of his time in the public’s eye, but he hadn’t expected the attention he received to be curiosity of his private life, and especially not so openly. He knew in some ways it’s inevitable, but it still bothered him, although it seemed he was the only one who felt this way. Thorin wasn't affected. If anything, he seemed completely oblivious of what others thought. Whether this was because he was accustomed to this or because he simply didn’t care what people thought of him as long as it didn’t affect their opinion of his leadership, Kili didn’t know.

Thorin continued walking, hands clasped behind his back. "Is it your lessons? Should I ask Balin to take it easier on you?"

"No, it's not necessary," Kili said, shaking his head. Balin's lessons were often long and dull, and now that Thorin intended to take Kili as his consort in the future, Balin gave additional lessons to better prepare Kili for the role he was about to take. After all, his role was supposedly going to be bigger than the second heir-he was to be Thorin’s equal, an extension to his authority. Every duty that Thorin had, he was expected to understand so he could assist him if necessary-a treatment still gradually given to Fili. This didn't help Kili conserve energy for the chores waiting for him at home, but he didn't protest. He and Fili might be princes without kingdom, but they were princes nonetheless, still held in high regard by other dwarves and had certain expectations placed upon them and Kili intended to meet them as best as he could even if the role he was preparing for wasn’t what he had expected. “I don’t mind the lessons. I don’t always enjoy them, but they’re important.”

Kili couldn’t help but grin when Thorin sent him an approving smile. Thorin was hard to please (as he should be, in this case) and meeting his expectation was something of a rarity. Kili was aware that he caused more trouble than he should, that he too often behaved not as well as expected. To him, these little proud moments of gaining Thorin’s approval was to be celebrated.

“I’m glad you study seriously,” Thorin said. "But it’s clear that you need help. I will come to your house to help in the evening."

Kili stared at Thorin in surprise. "You don’t have to do that!" he refused loudly, shaking his head. He calmed himself down when he realized he must be drawing Fili's concern with his outburst. Fili hadn’t thought of Thorin very kindly since the charade started, thinking that it was an improper solution to a desperate situation. Now he watched Thorin like a hawk, looking for any sign that his accusation was true. The last thing Kili needed now was to make the tension between Fili and Thorin worse. "Didn’t you say we must learn to be independent? Fili and I will handle this on our own."

"Somehow I doubt it," Thorin said dryly, "Kili, I don't mean to burden you. I did say that things won't be easy, but that doesn't mean I intend to leave all the difficulties to you and your brother. If there is anything I can do to help, I want you to tell me."

Kili almost shook his head in denial, but Thorin's frown assured him that he wouldn't rest until Kili gave him an honest answer. In truth, there were many things Thorin could do to help, but learning to be self-sufficient was important. There was also the matter of whether Fili would welcome Thorin’s good intentions or not. Kili glanced back to his brother. Fili was watching them closely, acting more like a guard than a chaperone he was supposed to be. No, Kili supposed Fili wouldn’t like Thorin to meddle in their family affairs any further. "I want you to make peace with Fili," Kili said quietly so that Fili wouldn’t hear him.

"Will that help?" Thorin asked, clearly not expecting the answer.

Kili shrugged. "It will ease my mind if the two of you aren’t constantly on the brink of a fight."

Thorin’s lips twitched slightly but he only nodded in understanding. They continued their walk in silence, Kili leaving Thorin to his contemplation, until they reached his house. Fili entered first to give them a moment to say goodbye, although he left the door open. Kili had little doubt that he hadn’t gone too far, ready to come if he felt Thorin was being inappropriate somehow. Kili didn’t see what he’s worried about. As far as he’s concerned, Thorin had been as nice as he’d always been and if he showed extra attention, it wasn’t without reason-after all, they were struggling to survive in the absence of their parents.

"I will try to talk to Fili. I hope he will see that I mean no harm," Thorin said quietly so that his voice wouldn't be carried to Fili.

"I wish you luck. He could be as stubborn as a mule when he wants to be."

Thorin's lips curled into a smirk for a second but it quickly disappeared as he studied Kili. "Take good care of yourself. Don’t hesitate to tell me if there’s anything that I can do to help."

Nodding, Kili replied, "I will."

"And try to be happy," Thorin continued unexpectedly. "I know your father’s death was still very recent and your situation now is far from easy but don’t let sadness overcome you and don’t be too hard on yourself."

Kili smiled warily. “It’s easier said than done. But I won’t isolate myself as Mother does, if that’s what worries you.”

Thorin frowned and reached out as if to cup the back of Kili’s head as he often did, but stopped at the last moment and gripped his shoulder instead. “I don’t mean only that,” he said quietly. “You don’t smile as often nowadays.”

Kili blinked in surprise. “I don’t?” he wondered. The expression on Thorin’s face suggested that indeed he hadn’t. Kili thought he was acting as normally as he could, but apparently his mourning still showed. It’s a wonder that Fili hadn’t mentioned it while Thorin noticed, but he supposed Fili had been too busy lately. “It’s just that there are many changes that I have to adjust to. I’m all right, though!” Kili said with a wide disarming smile.

The sigh Thorin let out showed that he didn’t fully believe Kili. He squeezed Kili’s shoulder lightly and withdrew his hand. “If it gets too much…”

“I will let you know,” Kili continued for him obediently. He had troubled Thorin enough as it was and didn’t want to add to his burden, but Thorin didn’t need to know this.

Thorin nodded in satisfaction and glanced behind Kili. "I’ll go now. Give Fili my regards."

Kili watched Thorin walk away for a while before sighing. He entered his house to be immediately greeted by the sight of Fili leaning on the wall near the door to the living quarter. Fortunately he was far enough from the front door to not hear Kili’s conversation with Thorin. That would undoubtedly worsen the strained relationship between them. Kili frowned unhappily but held his tongue. Fili just wanted to protect him, even if his methods were equally annoying and embarrassing.

"What did he say?" Fili asked suspiciously as Kili closed the door behind him.

Kili tried to shrug noncommittally. "We're just saying goodbye."

Fili narrowed his eyes, looking unconvinced. "That’s a long goodbye. Did he say anything inappropriate?"

"Of course not!" Kili replied in exasperation. "Why would even you think of that?"

"He proposed courting you when you are not yet of age," Fili countered.

“To protect me and help me stay in Ered Luin!” Kili argued, raising his voice in annoyance. He scowled when Fili merely scoffed. “Why do you dislike him so much?”

Fili looked away for a moment. Kili knew he’s trying to control himself, stopping words which shouldn’t be said. If only he would do the same with Thorin. "I don't like his method of ensuring your safety," he finally gritted out.

“If anything we should be grateful he’s offering to help me!” Kili snapped. “He’s taking a lot of risk to keep me safe! A lot more than he should take!”

There was nothing Fili could say to argue with that point. He pursed his lips and frowned, but Kili knew this was far from over. It was unfair, in Kili’s opinion, how angry Fili was of Thorin when it was Kili who caused this trouble in the first place. He should be the one receiving Fili’s irritation. Guilt and fondness battled inside Kili. His brother loved him so much.

Kili took a deep breath, approached Fili, and gripped his arm gently. "He only wants the best for us."

Fili frowned and looked as if he would argue, but he merely shook his head. "If only I were older," he whispered regretfully.

Kili drew Fili to a hug. His brother didn't resist, putting his arms around Kili tightly. There were so many if-onlys Kili tried not to think about. If only his father hadn't gone to that ill-fated expedition, if only his mother recovered from grief fast enough, if only they were stronger and older, if only there was another way to stay. But wishful thinking only serves to cause pain. They only had what’s in the present and they had to make it work.

"I'll protect you," Fili said, his voice muffled by Kili's hair. His grip tightened around Kili. "I won't let anyone harm you or take you away. Not our aunts and uncles. Not even Thorin. Not anyone."

Kili frowned but held Fili back. He thought that Fili had gone a touch overboard with his protectiveness, although it came from the right place. Indeed their father’s siblings were not to be trusted but it seemed that the distrust toward them had turned Fili against the uncle he once admired and faithfully obeyed. Kili wanted to tell Fili that Thorin always had their best interests in mind, but he kept it to himself, knowing that Fili wouldn’t listen to him. He sighed quietly. He hoped there would be a solution to this.

* * *

"He’s quite hard-headed," Thorin said when he met Kili in Balin's house a few days after their conversation. Fili was being called away by Balin, much to his dismay, giving Thorin and Kili a chance to speak in private. “He barely talks to me unless he absolutely has to.”

Kili hid a small smile, imagining Thorin trying to start conversations with Fili only to be rejected politely but firmly, as Fili was wont to do. Thorin was a notoriously difficult character when it came to certain matters, while Fili was usually known as the calm and sensible Durin. However, Kili knew this wasn’t entirely true. Fili could be stubborn given the right reason, and he supposed trying to (questionably) protect Kili was one of those reasons. "He is quite stubborn," he agreed. “I hope it doesn’t get in the way of working.”

“I see him rarely, only when I go to the forge to see the workers. He works well.”

“But he doesn’t want to talk to you?” Kili guessed.

“Only if it’s strictly about work. This trait could serve him well if used wisely. There are things we should maintain at any cost," Thorin commented with a frown. "But he shouldn’t let emotions control him. He is usually more reasonable."

Kili's smile dropped a little. "He’s just worried," he reasoned. If Fili’s difficult behaviors pushed Thorin too far, there might be no way to salvage their relationship. Between both stubborn dwarfs, their closeness would be left to rot.

"I know that," Thorin said with a heavy sigh. Kili’s worry must have shown on his face because Thorin lifted his hand and stroked Kili's protruding cheekbone with his thumb. His fingers lingered this time without Fili threatening bodily harm. "I will keep trying," He promised, dropping his hand. "Have you been taking care of yourself? You’re still too thin."

Kili rubbed his cheek, wondering how obvious his weight loss was. “Am I? I think I’m doing well. I can still train and do my chores.”

“Yes, you are,” Thorin sighed. “If you need help, you should tell me.”

“I don’t. We don’t. We just need time adjusting,” Kili denied.

This reply clearly didn’t please Thorin. He frowned deeply and started to say something, but then Fili stormed back into the room with a scowl and he stopped. There was mild exasperation in the look Thorin gave his heir, but he kept quiet as Fili stood close to Kili. The dark-haired dwarf touched his brother's hand in reassurance and almost sighed out loud when Fili twisted his hand to grip his fingers tightly.

"Now, now, lads, let's not get carried away, shall we?" Balin chuckled, entering the room after Fili. "Fili, Kili, why don't you continue studying? I have something to discuss with Thorin."

Thorin's eyes met Kili's for a moment before he followed Balin to another room. When he passed Fili, frustration was clear in his face but Fili didn’t seem concerned about this and quickly pulled Kili to a desk to where their books lay waiting, as if worried that Kili might be tempted to follow. He said nothing but his scowl and downturned lips spoke loudly of his displeasure over nothing more than an innocent chat. Kili frowned at this. If this went on, there would be no end to this fight.

“Where are you going?” Fili demanded when Kili stood up from his seat.

“I need to talk to Thorin for a moment,” Kili replied. He quickly followed Thorin and Balin before Fili could protest or stop him. When Fili called him from behind him, he ignored it. Thankfully, Fili didn’t try to follow him. This talk would be more difficult with him being present.

Fortunately, when Kili found Thorin and Balin, they hadn’t gone into Balin’s office. They were walking slowly, deep in conversation, and immediately stopped when Kili came near. Thorin seemed worried to see him, so Kili gave him an assuring smile. He glanced at Balin, not sure whether he should talk in front of him. Balin knew the delicate situation Kili was in and he was one of Thorin’s closest friend, but this was a private conversation. Fortunately, Balin seemed to understand this. The old dwarf walked away, giving them some private space to talk.

“Is anything wrong?” Thorin asked quietly.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just wondering if you would come to my house this evening?”

This only made Thorin look more concerned. “Is everything all right?” He glanced behind Kili, as if expecting Fili to come at any moment. “Did something happen to Fili?”

The question relaxed Kili somewhat. Thorin might not be happy with Fili, but he wasn’t so angry with him that he stopped caring. It seemed that there was hope yet for reconciliation. “It’s just a little family dinner, though I can’t serve much,” Kili said, shrugging.

Thorin seemed only slightly more assured by the answer. He nodded in acquiescence. “I don’t mind. I’ll visit you this evening.”

Kili grinned happily, prompting Thorin to smile back. Thorin seemed to want to ask Kili more questions, but he had other matters to attend to and left. Balin was still waiting some distance away, humming a little tune, when Thorin approached him. The scribe acted as if there had been no interruption to their conversation, but as they walked to his office, he winked at Kili behind Thorin’s back.

Stifling a proud smile, Kili returned to his lesson. Unsurprisingly, Fili was curious about what he said to Thorin, but Kili stubbornly refused to tell him. Eventually, Fili gave up asking and frowned at the book in front of him and Kili allowed himself to smile. If Thorin and Fili wouldn’t reconcile on their own, he would make them.

* * *

Fili wasn’t exactly pleased when Thorin came in the evening. He spent the entire dinner being polite but distant to Thorin, not even touching the offering of sweet buns that Thorin brought along. Kili didn’t mind, however, and talked throughout dinner, filling the otherwise tense silence with jokes and tales. He didn’t force Fili and Thorin to talk, believing that they should start at their own time. His objective was to relieve the tension between them so that they might eventually return to the good relationship they once had. Every shared smiles and laughter at Kili’s stories was a small victory, though Fili and Thorin didn’t know it yet.

“You’re spoiling us,” Kili joked when the three of them sat in the sitting room after dinner. “First you brought those buns and now you shared your pipe weed with us.”

Thorin smiled. There might not be much food, but the warmth from the hearth beside him and the pipe weed clearly relaxed him. He wasn’t the only one. Fili, too, seemed less on guard now. He might have been able to resist the temptation of food, but when Thorin offered some pipe weed-the best in all of Middle Earth-he finally caved in, though he still wouldn’t talk much to Thorin. The small room was filled with fragrant smoke and dancing firelight and candlelight. The only things missing were excellent drinks and happy conversations but Kili hoped they would have them in not too long.

“I’m glad it’s to your satisfaction,” Thorin drawled after puffing a long string of white smoke to the air.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had such a nice evening,” Kili contemplated. He smiled when Fili’s knee gently nudged his to offer some comfort. However, comfort wasn’t what he currently wanted. “Would you come again tomorrow evening?” he asked Thorin. Thorin’s shock was palpable and Kili could feel the same feeling echoed by Fili beside him, but he didn’t wait for excuses and protests. He continued while putting on his most disarming look, the one that had gotten him his way on multiple occasions, “Dinner is much nicer where there are more people.”

Thorin stared at him for a moment and then nodded slowly. “All right, if you don’t mind me imposing.”

Thorin was looking at him, but Kili knew the words were directed to Fili. He smiled but gave no reply, knowing that Fili didn’t miss this and waiting for him to give his approval. True to that, finally Fili sighed quietly beside him.

“You don’t impose on anyone,” Fili said warily.

Thorin had always been somewhat distant from them, leaving their little family to their own devices and kept himself confined to his house or forge. But, he was always ready and willing to help whenever the needs arose, as was the case at the moment, and Kili used this kindness to get his way. Any concern on whether they had enough to serve now that Thorin was to be a regular dinner guest was immediately eliminated as Thorin always brought food and drink for them. Fili might not like his presence but, ever practical, he couldn’t refuse free meal. He still frowned at Thorin a little too much but he wasn’t as openly hostile as before. Recognizing that their relationship wasn’t fully mended, Thorin took careful steps around Fili, not taking advantage of the sudden leeway given, which worked to slowly regain Fili’s favor.

Despite the improving relationship, Kili still didn’t dare leave them alone, fearing that they would argue without him acting as a buffer and a tension breaker. Fortunately, it seemed that they had little intention to be alone. Every evening Fili and Kili would cook dinner and prepare the table while Thorin watched them nearby since the brothers agreed that they shouldn’t order a king to help in the kitchen. Afterward, they had dinner. Kili still talked the most, but he tried to coax them to contribute to start conversations between them. Work surprisingly wasn’t a good topic because although Fili listened attentively to Thorin’s review of his business, he seemed more interested in taking his mind off the hard work he must undoubtedly do at the forge now that he’s home. Reminder of the tasks waiting for Fili once he was old enough to help Thorin also didn’t help and both of them seemed reluctant to share more private parts of their days.

Kili was becoming frustrated when he accidentally found the perfect topic. An exercise of a complex hypothetical political situation from Balin led to a lengthy discussion on solutions, risks, and consequences. Dinner lasted longer than usual yet there’s still much to talk about, so they moved to the sitting room where they continued to discuss with the accompaniment of Thorin’s pipe weed. Fili and Kili cited various books in their argument while Thorin used his extensive experience to make his point. They were all correct in their own ways, of course, but in the end Thorin’s rather world-weary view was superior to Kili and Fili’s youthful optimism.

“History and theories exist to lend us guidance and indeed there are times when we have to replicate and apply them. However, there are changes and unaccountable factors. Account for every aspect of the present and remember that you are governing real people,” Thorin advised wisely.

Fili nodded seriously, the picture of an obedient pupil and loyal heir. “I understand.”

Seeing this, Thorin smiled. “One day it won’t be theoretical situations and real lives will be at stake and you will really see what I mean. However, it doesn’t make what’s written in your books any less important. What else Balin has taught you? Did he give you any assignment?”

Quite surprisingly, Fili didn’t hesitate to leave the room to get their books. He stood up without a word and went to their room to take their books. It’s a first since usually he insisted on not leaving Kili and Thorin alone. Kili watched him leave with amusement. He wondered if Fili had truly started to trust Thorin again or if it’s the dizzying effect of the lengthy discussion. Kili himself had become mildly light-headed from the combination of tiredness and the complicated topic. The thought of talking more about their lessons wasn’t appealing to him, but at least it meant Thorin and Fili would have something to talk about without getting angry at each other. Kili was considering whether he should make this a regular occurrence to make Fili and Thorin talk when Thorin sat down next to him.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Thorin said quietly.

Kili gave him a guileless look. “What do you mean?”

Thorin huffed and smiled warmly. “I know you’re trying to make me and Fili make peace.”

At first Kili tried to deny it, sputtering lies about dinner and good company, but Thorin gave him a knowing look and he gave up. “I did say it will make me feel better, didn’t I?” He wondered if Fili realized it, too, but if he didn’t mention it and didn’t seem angry, he decided it didn’t matter. After all, it worked well in reducing the tension between him and Thorin.

“You did. And do you feel better now?”

“I do!” Kili grinned. “And the food you brought makes it even better!”

Thorin smiled rather proudly. The flame from the fireplace did wondrous things to his eyes, making them seem warmer and more affectionate than usual. He glanced at the doorway and, taking advantage of Fili's departure, reached into his pocket and produced a small wooden box. He handed to Kili with a smirk. 

"What is it?" Kili asked eagerly, taking the gift. Unable to hold back his curiosity, he opened the lid and gasped in delight when he saw assorted candied fruits in it. He knew how costly these are, so he rarely had them. Dis usually bought some for special occasions, but this was just dinner-although indeed the recovering relation between Fili and Thorin was worth celebrating.

"Do you like it?"

"I do but you shouldn’t have got them! They’re expensive, aren’t they?" Kili said despite staring at his gift with his mouth watering.

"Not that expensive," Thorin said, reminding Kili that although his family was in a difficult situation currently, Thorin was a king who could have anything he asked for. “I’m glad you like it.”

Kili looked up from the box, frowning slightly. “I really don’t mean to trouble you or worry you. I just want you and Fili to make peace.”

“It’s not trouble at all,” Thorin assured Kili, patting his arm lightly.

His smile was so genuine, making Kili realized how worried he had been. Kili wanted to apologize but he could hear the sound of Fili’s nearing footsteps. He frowned when Thorin left his seat to sit down further away from him. He didn’t like that Thorin felt he had to keep some distance between them, but Fili’s heart had just started to soften and it was better to not test him.

"Save it now, Kili. Fili likes his sweets as well, if my memory serves me well."

Kili nodded quickly and shoved the box into his pocket just in time for Fili to appear with an armful of books. As Fili could read him very well, Kili was worried he would know that he had had a private conversation with Thorin without his knowledge. At the very least, he might see that Kili was hiding a box. Fortunately, he was preoccupied with the books and didn’t seem to notice anything unusual.

"There are still some books in our room, but we won't cover those for at least another week," he told Thorin as he put the books on the table.

Thorin nodded, face betraying nothing of what just transpired. “Why don’t you two show me what Balin has taught you."

They spent hours trying to impress Thorin with their knowledge. Fili, who had the benefits of better memory and longer opportunity to study than Kili, received fewer corrections from Thorin. Work might have eroded some of his memory and slowed his learning but his knowledge was still quite admirable that Kili had to try very hard to keep up with him and not seem as if he had neglected his studies.

"Give Balin my regard. He has done a terrific job," Thorin said before he left long past the time he usually did. Hearing this, not even Fili could resist smiling in pride.

After Thorin left, Fili and Kili raced to their bedroom, shoving and laughing all the way. They made fun of each other while curled up in their blankets until they were too tired to speak. When in the morning they woke up late, they left the house in a run with loud laughter. Kili looked up to the blue sky, enjoying the warm sunlight on his face and grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's pretty obvious what Thorin's secret that I mention on the summary is, eh? :D And, related to the opening note above, in the original draft Thorin made up with Fili at work and Kili found out when Fili came back home with Thorin, so Kili was pretty much useless. I know, I'm sorry. I was in that kind of mood when I first wrote this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of update. My motherboard decided to take a paid vacation for over a month. It's back now, though, and I plan to make it work hard to make up for lost time!

The reconciliation between Thorin and Fili brought some peace to the household. Thorin became a welcomed presence in Kili’s house, not only for the meal he brought them but also for the companionship he provided. It was still awfully quiet in their house despite Kili’s efforts to bring some cheer. The absence of their parents was glaring, the shut door of Dis’s room and the sobs drifting out from inside the room were almost impossible to ignore. However, when Thorin came, no matter how briefly he stayed, he brought a sense of calmness and safety. He was a reminder that Kili and Fili weren’t truly alone, that someone was looking after them. Thorin spoke little but Kili gladly filled the silence.

Kili’s family life was gradually becoming peaceful again, although Fili still drew a line whenever Kili was concerned, frowning whenever he deemed Thorin had gotten too close to Kili. These moments were the only reminders of how things had changed, though they didn’t happen often as Thorin respected Fili’s wishes, pulling away when he was at the receiving end of a scowl. He carefully avoided any physical contact with Kili which could be construed as anything untoward and divided his affection almost evenly between his nephews, not blatantly favoring Kili despite their new status. Aside from his occasional request to take a stroll around the town (which Fili still disliked, although with less intensity) and little trinkets he bought or made for Kili, most of time Kili forgot their unusual arrangement.

The only reminder was when people talked behind their backs. They speculated whether Thorin would wait until Kili came of age or succumb to his youth sooner. Some even speculated whether Thorin _had_ fallen for it. It was the talk Kili found most intolerable. How dare people doubt Thorin’s honor! Had Thorin not shown the integrity of his character by leading them to a new home, building it to almost match their lost kingdom, and protecting it for so many decades? This was a dwarf worthy of great esteem, not some tavern-monger led by his cock!

However, Thorin didn’t seem to care to correct these people. After all, he said, explanations were only ignorable words and there was no way to stop people from talking and thinking what they wanted to, no way to really prove Kili and Thorin's innocence. To respond to such madness would only bring them to these people’s level, if not make the situation worse. After much arguing, Kili finally agreed to keep silent. As much as he wanted to come to Thorin’s defense, he realized that Thorin was right and the best course of action was to let time proved people wrong. Sooner or later they would realize that Thorin deserved every bit of honor given to him as a dwarf and king. Kili should just turn a blind eye to this insult and put his time to better use. Such as learning to be a good warrior and prince instead of waiting for his brother to finish dressing up.

"Come on, Fili! We're going to be late!" he called out.

"Just a moment," Fili grumbled, braiding his beard and hair. It was a task which always took a considerable amount of time and concentration but both of them had woken up late today and had to rush. While Kili was able to quickly start his day, Fili couldn’t. He could hastily wash himself from night sweat and get dressed, but one thing he wouldn't risk doing improperly and quickly was doing his hair and beard.

Kili eyed his brother's golden hair with envy. His own beard was sparse. There's little but stubbles on his face now, though his head had no difficulty growing hair at all. He had been assured that he would grow it in time but there had been little improvement for the past couple of years. He was still, no matter what he tried, the most hairless dwarf in his large family, something which shamed him greatly as he was part of the Longbeards. At his age, Fili’s face had been nicely covered by facial hair. Yet, at the rate things were going, Kili might only have thin wisps of hair by his coming of age, he thought miserably.

Fili caught Kili’s gaze and smirked, "Jealous, brother?" he teased.

Kili lifted his chin proudly. "Why would I want to be late because I spent far too long fondling my hair?" he denied. He huffed in irritation at the amused glint in Fili's eyes and turned to leave their room. "If you're going to take forever, I’ll have your breakfast. Can't let good food go to waste, can we?"

Kili grinned when he heard FIli's shouts of protest from their shared room. He had finished his breakfast, the leftover stew from last night was now settling nicely in his stomach. He salivated at the thought of more to eat (he was still growing after all!) and having to save food stocks meant he had to eat less than he actually wanted and needed. Dwarfs were a prideful race but Kili always quickly forsook pride and ate the extra dinner Thorin brought every evening. Not only did it abate his hunger, it also made Thorin stop worrying. He hated how Thorin always seemed to watch his every move with concern as if he would break if he so much as bumped onto a solid object. Indeed he didn’t look as strong as most dwarfs, but he _was_ as strong as they were and far from fragile!

He looked at the still-steaming bowl hungrily. Last night, Fili had had roughly the same portion as he. No doubt his older brother was also hungry and with a long day at the forge ahead, he would need a lot of energy. In fact, he needed more energy than Kili did. Still, Kili wasn't one to let a challenge (or a threat, as it was) went by. He slowly ate the stew, savoring the taste and giving Fili plenty of time to come and take his share before Kili finished it off.

"Kili."

The spoon stopped midair. Kili looked up, eyes wide. For a moment, he thought his ears had fooled him, but they hadn’t. It was indeed Dis standing by the kitchen door.

"Good morning, dear," Dis greeted with a weak smile.

Weeks of mourning had left Dis almost unrecognizable. Kili struggled to reconcile the living ghost before him and the mother in his memory. He stood up slowly, noting how pale and thin she was, how her hair was in disarray, and her eyes gaunt with inconsolable sadness. She seemed almost ghostly in an old unwashed dress too big on her frame. It seemed that she would disappear, melting into the shadows, within the blink of an eye, yet she remained there, looking at Kili with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

"Is Fili not ready yet?" Dis asked, approaching her youngest son, and it seemed almost normal. She had done this many times before in the past. She had waited for her sons and husband to get ready for their days. She had been here countless times before laughing and joking with her family before they left. It’s as if they still lived in the past, but her unhealthy appearance, her sad eyes, the quietness in the house, and the sparseness of the kitchen emphasized that those peaceful days were over and the present wasn’t quite so kind to them.

"No, he isn't yet," Kili said, his voice shaking slightly.

Tears pricked his eyes when Dis pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around his mother and found himself enveloped by warmth he hadn’t realize he had missed. He was transported back to his childhood when he sought his mother when he was in pain or faced any difficulty, when he believed his mother’s kisses and hugs made everything better. However, they were in the now and now, no matter how calming her embrace and words were, problems wouldn’t suddenly evaporated-his father wouldn’t return and the trying past few weeks wouldn’t be undone. Still, Kili clung to the comfort she offered. He wanted to hold her tightly but she felt so fragile in his arms, as if she would break if he held her too tightly, so he loosened his embrace, irrationally fearing losing her, too.

Kili pulled away when he saw FIli standing hesitantly by the door, watching him and Dis. Noticing her oldest son's presence, Dis let Kili go and turned to Fili. She called his name softly and opened her arms, calling him to her embrace. Fili moved toward her slowly, tentatively, as if she was a stranger to him. The hug he gave Dis was light and brief, though she didn't seem to notice or mind.

"My sons," Dis sobbed, releasing Fili so she could see both her children. "I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have... I'm very sorry."

Seeing tears rose up to Dis's eyes, Kili shook his head quickly, "It's all right, mother. We're all right," he said to reassure her, smiling. He glanced at Fili, but he said nothing, only watching Dis quietly. "Would you like something to eat?" Kili asked instead.

This seemed to rouse Fili out of his thoughts. "I'll make you something," Fili said, turning toward the stove.

Kili served Dis with some bread and FIli's portion of the stew while Fili was cooking. They didn't have much, but Dis didn't seem to have much appetite yet. Kili watched her eat and prod her out of her thoughts when she paused too long between mouthfuls. To mask the silence in the house, he chattered about the fine weather and the latest happenings in Ered Luin. Dis spoke little and was clearly still distraught, but Kili’s voice kept her from withdrawing to her grieving mind, so he kept talking. The last thing they needed was for Dis to lock herself in her room again.

"Thank you. I think I’m quite full now," Dis said when she finished her stew. She stroked Kili’s hair and stopped when she found Kili's hair clasp. She touched the item curiously. "This is new," she muttered, inspecting the hair clasp. "It's beautiful. How did you get it?"

Kili froze. It suddenly occurred to him that Dis knew nothing about his arrangement with Thorin. Did she even realize what was happening those first few days after Vilir’s death? Did she know how his siblings came to demand Kili? There had been shouts then but she hadn’t reacted, hadn’t left her room to stop her in-laws from taking Kili. Did she know that it had happened? And, most importantly, how was she going to react to the news?

Kili could feel Fili staring at him, but couldn't bring himself to lie. He dropped his gaze, feeling inexplicably guilty. "It’s from Thorin," he admitted.

"Is it so? Isn't that kind of him?" Dis murmured, tracing the ornate carving on the hair clasp. Kili swallowed thickly, not answering. "Has he been taking care of you?"

Kili nodded reluctantly. "Yes, he has."

Dis smiled. Her eyes were distant, looking at a place Kili didn't know. "I'm glad that although your father is gone, you still have him. He's a good dwarf, though he will deny it. He’ll take good care of you, guide you, and protect you.” Dis smiled thinly at Kili. “He’ll be an excellent father figure for the both of you."

"Mother, you should eat more. The stew mustn't have been that fulfilling," Fili said loudly. He filled a clean bowl with soup without waiting for Dis’s reply. Dis smiled at him, but Fili turned instead to Kili. "Kili, can you tell Mr. Balin and Thorin that we won't see them today?"

"Of course," Kili agreed almost immediately, his mind spinning and his chest tight. He gave Fili a brief smile of gratitude before quickly leaving his house.

Kili felt sick. Of course Dis would expect Thorin to be a father figure for her sons. He was, after all, their uncle and closest kin, not to mention their king. Fili was his heir and Kili the spare. Of course, he was expected to guide them as a father would, especially now that Vilir was dead. Of course, he was expected to play the role of a parent.

But now Kili was known to be Thorin’s future consort. True, it was only a front, a means to protect Kili, but it was enough to prevent them to become what Dis expect them to be. Thorin was not to act as a father, but a suitor. He wasn’t to be seen as a role model, but a future husband. How would Dis react to the news? Kili thought of the whispers behind his back, things people said when they thought he wasn’t listening, the cruel things they said about Thorin and him. The insults. The mockery. The disappointment.

A wall of heat hit Kili’s face once he stepped into Thorin’s forge, snapping him out of his troubled thoughts. He had barely realized arriving, having let his legs carried him to his destination without thought. Quickly, Kili assumed the appearance of cheer-it wouldn’t do to give people more reason to talk, especially in light of what had just happened. Several smiths saw him and smiled at him and he replied with a wide grin, pretending nothing was amiss and he had every cause for celebration. After all, he suspected that the news of Dis’s recovery would spread soon, so he should be happy.

Kili looked around the forge, searching for the familiar tall figure. It didn’t take him a long time to find Thorin. He was talking to one of his employees while inspecting finished products of the forge, so he didn’t see Kili. With a fake bright smile, Kili approached him, pointedly ignoring the amused looks from the other dwarfs in the forge. He had a role to play, he reminded himself, and the public was his audience, waiting to see any slip up.

“Thorin!” Kili called out cheerfully, knowing that others were listening to their conversation.

Thorin turned around in surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he admitted. He frowned at Kili as he nodded absently to his employee who excused himself with a small smile. “I was expecting Fili, in fact.”

Kili forced himself to smile wider. “He won’t be able to work today. Mother has finally recovered and we want to stay at home to take care of her.”

“Has she? That’s good to hear,” Thorin said.

Though he spoke little, relief was clear on his face, leaving no doubt of his affection for his sister although to others he might seem aloof. A pang of guilt course through Kili. What if Dis didn’t approve and became angry at Thorin. Thorin had only wanted to help her family, but had Kili turned her against him?

“Of course you may stay home. You should tell Balin as well.”

“I will!” Kili nodded. He stepped closer to Thorin, acutely aware of the eyes watching them and the ears listening intently to their conversation. “Can we talk in private?” he asked, still feigning a smile.

As if sensing that something was wrong, Thorin frowned, but he quickly agreed. He led Kili to a storage room at the back of the forge. Only a hint of roaring fire and sharp sounds of metal meeting metal could be heard once the door was closed, assuring Kili that no one could eavesdrop on their conversation. He dropped his smile. Pretending was a tiring affair, especially before ever-vigilant audience such as their people. Kili would breathe a sigh of relief for escaping Thorin’s curious employees if not for what he should tell Thorin.

"What is it?" Thorin asked once he ensured that they were in complete privacy.

“We talked a little, Mother and I, about how we were doing when she was mourning.” He swallowed thickly. “I realized then that she doesn’t know about us yet.”

Understanding dawned on Thorin. "Of course.” He paused, studying Kili’s face. “And you didn’t tell her."

"No, I didn’t," Kili admitted, shrugging a little, "I don't think she’s ready for the news yet."

Thorin nodded somberly. "She probably isn’t,” he agreed.

“She also said…” Kili hesitated. He didn’t want to say it, but Thorin must know. “She said she wants you to be a father figure for me and Fili.”

The news struck Thorin speechless. He always found things to say, whether to advice or to provoke, but not this time. He merely looked at Kili in disbelief, making Kili look down guiltily. “I see,” he finally said stiffly. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.”

Kili didn’t dare to look at Thorin. There had been some arguments between Thorin and Dis in the past, but they were on minor disagreements, matters easily fixed with peace offerings and a friendly conversation. However, this wasn’t a minor misunderstanding. It was a lie which involved the whole of Middle Earth. Kili doubted Dis would let this slide easily.

Thorin sighed, shaking his head slightly in resignation, and then looked at Kili thoughtfully. "Do you want to be released from this arrangement?" he suddenly asked.

"Released?" Kili echoed in shock. “But what about you?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sure people will understand, if not pleased with such development.” Thorin frowned at the thought but he quickly turned his attention back to Kili. "Dis most likely won’t approve of this. I fully understand if you want to avoid her anger."

"But if this arrangement ends, what will happen?" Kili asked.

"Your mother may accept your father's siblings' offer," Thorin replied grimly. "But, if she doesn't want you to live with them, you will have to make sure they can't find you."

"I have to leave Ered Luin?" Kili exclaimed in disbelief.

Thorin nodded. "If I stop our courtship, only Fili could help you, as he is both their kin and head of the household, but we have seen how little they mind him. You can escape them only if they can't find you. I have to warn you, however, that it might make things more complicated to suddenly end the courtship and then send you away. They might use it as an excuse to say you are not well-cared for, supporting their request to have you live with them. In that case, you absolutely must not be found by them.”

"Then, you're my only chance to stay with my family and to keep them away from me," Kili concluded grimly, frowning at the floor.

He startled when Thorin patted his head gently then lowered his hand to clasp Kili's shoulder. He smiled although his expression remained troubled. "I’ll find a way to keep them away from you. And it's not so bad, life on the road. It’s difficult at times, but you are resilient dwarf-you will manage. Moreover, you will be able to see the world. You’ll learn to enjoy the road," he said gently.

Kili recalled Dis's stories of her childhood, of walking endlessly until her legs almost gave up, of rationing their food and hunting for whatever could pass as edible, of sleeping under the stars and in the cold. She survived the harrowing ordeal and learned many things in the process, but it still wasn’t a pleasant time and not only because of the difficulties. She always told these stories with such a dark expression. She grew up far from home. Erebor was the place of her family, her history, her life, and it was ripped away from her abruptly in one day. The pain and longing receded with time, but never completely disappeared. Something in her still longed for her lost kingdom and the time she had spent there and the people she had known haunted her still. Erebor was home to her and Thorin as Ered Luin was home to Kili. He could bear to leave it as well as they could leave Erebor.

"Fili will be an adult in less than two years. It’s not such a long time," Kili said.

Thorin inhaled deeply. "So, you choose to continue this courtship?" he asked.

Kili nodded. "Perhaps it’s selfish, but I’d rather stay near my family in my home if I can help it." He offered Thorin a small smile. “Besides, I have much to learn from Mr. Balin and you to be a proper Durin.”

Thorin's grip on his arm tightened momentarily. There was sadness in his eyes as he remembered everything he had lost in the Lonely Mountain. Kili bit his lip, immediately regretting his words. He hated reminding Thorin of Erebor. It was a painful memory to Thorin, perhaps in a way more so than to Dis. More than a home, it was also a responsibility for him, and the heavy burden of expectation sat heavily upon his shoulders.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything,” Kili apologized.

Thorin shook his head slowly. “It’s all right,” he said in tightly strained voice. He cleared his throat. “It’s not selfish. I completely understand your wish and, besides, it’s to everyone’s best interest that your uncles and aunts are kept away from you. I will do everything in my power to help you."

Kili searched Thorin’s face for any sign that he hadn’t been forgiven, but only found sincerity there. Some people called Thorin proud and self-centered, but Kili knew better. Truly he was too kind. “We have to convince Mother.”

“I know,” Thorin sighed. “I know my sister well. It’s not going to be easy, but we will do what we can.”

Kili nodded. "Thank you," he smiled in relief.

Thorin smiled and, after studying him for a while, released him. "Tell Balin that you and Fili won’t go to his class today and then go home-your mother needs you. Tell Fili about what we’ve talked about. It will help if you also have him on your side," he ordered. “I will continue to visit you in the evening. Let’s hope I can win some favor from her before we tell her the truth.”

* * *

Dis recovered slowly but surely. There were times when she lingered in her room or sat staring at nothing for a long time, but these occasions grew scarcer and scarcer. Within a few days, she was able to take over some of the chores Fili and Kili had assumed while she barred herself in her room, allowing Fili and Kili more time for studying and training and, in Fili's case, working.

It felt almost normal, as if their father was only away for work, though this time he would never return. Both Fili and Kili tried their hardest not to remind Dis of this and, when they failed, distracted her with jokes. It worked most of the time, although Kili suspected that she would never truly recover from the loss of her husband, just as she and Thorin would never let go of the memory of Erebor. But, he hoped, just as they slowly moved on with their lives after the fall of their kingdom, Dis would resume her old life.

This return to normalcy, however, meant that they would soon have to tell Dis about Thorin and Kili and Kili feared they hadn’t softened Dis’s heart much. In an attempt to win her favor, Thorin came with more food than usual and treats to please her. She was immensely grateful to him, but it was clear that she hadn’t changed her mind on Thorin’s role as a father figure for her sons, praising him repeatedly for taking a good care of Fili and Kili in her absence. It was only a small comfort that Fili had promised to support Kili’s decision to continue the fake courtship.

"Mother can be stubborn," he warned when Kili told him about his worries. "There is no guarantee of success. If I have to choose the lesser of the two evils..."

"No," Kili refused, shaking his head firmly. "I don't want to leave."

Fili sighed. "You will have to eventually. Work sometimes takes people far away and they have to build a new home. There is nothing wrong with that."

Kili glared at Fili accusingly. "Is that what you plan? To leave us in the future?"

Fili smiled in exasperation, ruffling Kili’s hair affectionately. “I can’t,” he said, reminding Kili that his future occupation was to replace Thorin as a king. He would be bound to his kingdom and to his people, followed them wherever time took them to. "It’s only a possibility. But don't you want to see the world? Don't you want to know what lies beyond Ered Luin?"

"I have seen it," Kili replied stubbornly.

"Ah, but only so much. There is a lot more than what we can see from up in the mountain. Don't you remember the tales of the travelling merchants? The places they described... Kili, there is so much more than this mountain, this forest, this city."

The longing in Fili's voice made Kili felt uncomfortable. "It's fascinating, indeed, but dangerous as well," he said unkindly. “We’ve had enough taken away from us. I won’t leave you, Mother, and Ered Luin.”

Kili felt Fili's arm tightened around his shoulders. Without looking, he could tell that Fili's dreamy smile had turned into a regretful grimace. "I will do what I can, Kili. I promise."

But, no form of support and kind gesture seemed to put the idea of Thorin as a father figure away from Dis’s mind. She repeatedly asked him to guide and protect her sons, even after Thorin said that she’s now capable of doing so herself. She wouldn’t accept the situation well, Kili realized with a sinking feeling as Dis becoming stronger each day. He watched Thorin and Dis closely, hoping he’d finally soften her heart, but Thorin’s efforts were for nothing. Eventually, one night before he returned home, Thorin pulled Kili to the side.

“We can’t put this off any longer. I’d rather have her hear from us than others. We’ll tell her tomorrow,” he whispered.

Kili froze but then nodded. Thorin was right. No matter how badly this might become, it would still be better than if she heard of this from other people. At least this way they could explain their reasons to her as well as avoid the chance of publicly exposing the truth that the courtship was made without Kili’s parents’ consent. Kili took a deep breath. For better or worse, this was the best course of action.

Kili was on his best behavior the day Thorin was supposed to visit, a final desperate bid to put Dis in a good mood. She suspected nothing, though, only ruffling her son's hair affectionately when he offered to take over kitchen duty although she was by now strong enough to cook on her own. Fili had used some of the money they received for their father's death to buy the ingredients to Dis's favorite food-a worthy expenditure, he said. Kili smiled to him gratefully and hoped that it would at least lessen Dis’s anger.

Thorin arrived just after sundown and was welcomed by Dis's excited greeting. He gave a brief nod to both Kili and Fili, eyes lingering at Kili until Kili nodded to assure him that he was all right. He wasn’t, but he had to be ready for whatever was the outcome of tonight.

"Is it a party for me?" DIs asked happily. She laughed when she received three stiff nods. "Come on, then, Brother! Let's not waste your nephews' hard work!"

Despite the knot twisting in his stomach, Kili forced himself to eat and appear normal during dinner, cracking endless jokes to lighten the mood. He watched Fili and Thorin secretly. Fili contributed into some topics, but to Kili it was obvious how little he enjoyed the moment, his smiles not genuine and he frowned often. Thorin, on the other hand, was a picture of composure, politely conversing with Dis and giving advices in maintaining her health, acting no differently than any other day. Kili watched him in envy, wishing he had such self-control. He knew that had Dis been better, she would have noticed that he spoke too loudly and too quickly, his nervousness not at all well-hidden. He sat straighter, trying to imitate Thorin’s self-possession. He had to learn to be more like Thorin if he were to be a better dwarf and Durin prince.

No matter how slowly they ate and how much they talked, far too soon, the plates and tankards were empty. Kili's stomach turned when Fili suggested them to move to the living room but he forced himself to smile widely. They sat around the fireplace, quietly chatting. Thorin took a place near Dis while Kili huddled away from her and stayed close to Fili. Kili caught Thorin's eyes drifted to him every so often, belying his true feelings-he was just as uncertain as Kili and Fili were. But he remained steadfast, waiting for the right time to tell Dis the truth. Kili took a deep breath. If people who were willing to help him were being brave and strong, he should be, too.

"I haven't thanked you properly, Thorin, for taking care of Fili and Kili when I... well, there is no other way to put it- when I neglected my duty as their mother," Dis said, smiling sadly.

Thorin nodded. "You were mourning. We don’t blame you."

Kili looked at FIli when his older brother stiffened and frowned deeply beside him. Fili flashed him a quick smile and patted his hand, calming Kili ineffectively. This exchange went unnoticed by the adult dwarves.

Dis shook her head slowly, "I neglected my sons for too long. I shouldn't have drowned myself in sorrow. My husband is dead but I have my sons to raise." Tears rose to her eyes and for a moment it seemed she would let them spill, but she proved herself to be stronger. Dis took a deep breath to compose herself. "Thank you, Thorin. If not for you, who knows what's going to happen to these boys," she said with a smile.

Thorin's back straightened imperceptibly. Both FIli and Kili tensed up as Thorin began to speak. "There is something you need to know."

Dis's smile quickly dropped. "Did something happen?" She turned to her sons, eyes wide in alarm, "Are you all right?" she asked them urgently. Their silence didn't comfort her. She made a move to stand up but Thorin's hand on her knee brought back her attention to him. "What happened?" she demanded.

"When you were grieving for Vilir," he started carefully, pulling his hand back, "I received a message from his siblings. They asked Kili to be sent to them so they could raise him as they have no male heir. Fili and Kili objected, but your in-laws refused to listen to their opinion because they were underage, so I devised a plan to protect Kili."

Dis tore her eyes away from Kili who was staring at the floor. "A plan?" she asked in suspicion.

Thorin seemed to hesitate, but he wasn’t the kind of dwarf to neglect his promise. He squared his jaws and nodded in confirmation. "I suggested that in order to keep Kili away from his uncles and aunts, I will court him, thus requiring him to be properly educated to become my consort. Kili has agreed."

Silence enveloped the room for a moment, save from the soft cracking of fire. The air was suddenly thick with tension. Dis looked stunned, wide eyes locked onto Thorin and mouth slightly open. Before her, Thorin gave away nothing but aloofness, and perhaps a little hope. Kili didn’t dare breathe, let alone move, watching his uncle and mother before him.

Suddenly a loud smack was heard. Fili and Kili stared in shock at the sight before them. Thorin's head turned to one side, dark red mark blooming on his cheek. In front of him, Dis was glaring in rage, hand still hovering in the air.

"How dare you? He is just a child!" she yelled.

"I’m aware of that," Thorin murmured, slowly turning to look at Dis.

"Are you, now?" Dis scoffed derisively. "Consort, you say! We have no kingdom, Thorin! He is just a child and you've convicted him to a life of suffering and mockery!"

Thorin took a deep breath. "Kili wanted to stay. I have tried..."

"Obviously you haven't tried hard enough!" Dis interrupted angrily.

"We have!" Fili argued, drawing the attention of his elders. He stood up, looking at his mother with hardened eyes. "We told them that we don’t want to send Kili to live when them, but they wouldn't listen because I am too young, Thorin is not their kin, and you weren't there. Accepting Thorin’s offer was the only way we could protect ourselves," he said sharply.

"Fili!" Kili reprimanded Fili quietly. But Fili wouldn't look at him, staring defiantly instead at Dis with anger and bitterness Kili had never seen on his kind brother before. The scowl Fili had displayed earlier suddenly made sense.

Thorin raised his hand to signal Fili to stop speaking. "We hope that after Fili comes of age, we will be able to refuse them for good. Otherwise, when Kili comes of age, he may choose to reject me," he explained.

Dis turned back to her brother, glaring at her brother accusingly. "He won't come of age until another seven years!" she exclaimed angrily. “And Fili in two years!”

"If he is to stay, this is the only way," Thorin explained.

"So you take advantage of that?" Dis accused.

“No one takes any advantage of me!” Kili protested. Why did everyone turned against Thorin? Kili had agreed to it! He was equally at fault for allowing this to happen! “Thorin repeatedly asked me if I were sure and I always said yes! He didn’t force this on me! If anything, I forced it on him!” He looked at Thorin who stared at him in surprise. His heart twisted as he remembered how kind Thorin was, always putting Kili’s safety and happiness first. He deserved better treatment than this. “He puts himself and his reputation at risk to help me. Don’t blame him so harshly!”

The outburst silenced Dis. Tears sprung to her eyes once more and Kili instantly felt guilty. He never meant to hurt her, especially so soon after she recovered. However, he couldn’t let her keep blaming Thorin when in fact Kili was also partly at fault. Kili looked at his mother sadly, hoping she would understand and find it in her heart to forgive him.

When Dis found her voice again, it was shaking. “You are just a child. You don’t know….”

“We know about their intention to use Kili to gain political power,” Fili cut her off. He was calmer now, though his voice still held that steel-blade coldness. “We know that we have to protect Kili from them.” He paused, gritting his teeth. “No matter the way.”

Dis looked back and forth between her sons helplessly. “But at what cost? Your future? What will happen now that you are known as your uncle’s intended? Even after you end this terrible arrangement, people won’t forget. What will happen then?” she asked Kili.

Kili was silent. He never thought of that, focusing only on staying with his family and away from his greedy relatives. Dis was right. People wouldn’t forget about a king’s betrothed, especially one as unusual as Kili was. The end of a courtship was always talked about in hushed whispers, speculated upon and analyzed for weeks. Even when both parties had moved on, the public would always remember their failed relationship. It would be used to judge their every action, to explain every perceived failure and peculiarity. People were often unkind to those who failed in romance. If this happened to common people, what would happen to Kili, a dwarf prince, and Thorin, a dwarf king whose courtship was known all over Middle Earth?

Kili turned his gaze to Thorin and found him looking at him patiently. His chest tightened when he realized that however badly things turned out for him in the future, it would be worse for Thorin. Kili was only a prince but Thorin was a king, a direct descendant of Durin. He had enormous expectations placed upon him and he had betrayed his people by helping Kili. That was a mistake not easily forgiven even after this charade ended. Yet, Kili knew by looking at him that he didn’t mind whatever decision Kili made, that he would face his people’s disappointment and ridicule to protect Kili.

Then, Kili recalled what Fili had just said. This was more than just Kili and Thorin. The lives of thousands of dwarves were at stake. Who knew what would happen if his relatives received even a smidgeon of power through him. Thorin wasn’t doing this only for him; he did it for his people, too, although they didn’t know, although they only saw an honorable king losing some of his honor by falling for his young nephew. And Thorin wasn’t the only one with responsibility. Kili, too, was a Durin. He had to protect his people, even from his own relatives. It was true that he mostly didn’t want to live with them because he wanted to be close to his family, but it was in fact important to keep himself away from them.

“You haven’t thought of that, have you? It may safe you now, but it will ruin your future-and Thorin’s as well. If we end this now, it may not be too late,” Dis suggested hopefully.

Kili wished he could please her-she had gone through so much sadness-but his decision was made. “I don’t mind risking my future for our people’s.”

Thorin released a quiet breath. “You know I don’t mind risking mine as well,” Thorin added. When Kili glanced at Thorin, he saw him smile warily. “I will protect him from his uncles and aunts and do anything in my power to ensure that his future is well-secured,” Thorin promised Dis. “I can’t stop people from talking, but I will make sure nothing they say harm him now or in the future.”

Dis shook her head. “I shouldn’t have gone for so long,” she whispered regretfully, her hands clenching on her lap.

Guilt sank deep into Kili and when he looked at Fili and Thorin, he saw the same. Bitterness disappeared from Fili’s face, his love for his mother breaking melting some of his coldness, although he remained resolutely unmoving. Thorin merely looked at his sister, appearing unconcerned, but Kili noticed his fingers caressing the arms of his chair nervously. He leaned slightly forward, as if he was going to scoop Dis into his arms, but he didn’t do anything. Perhaps it was better for him that way.

Forcing a smile to his face, Kili approached Dis and knelt in front of her, holding her hand. “It’s not so bad!” he said, looking into his mother’s tearful eyes. “Things barely change at all. I still go to my lessons and train with Fili. I also help with chores and go hunting. It’s only that now I have to occasionally be seen with Thorin.” He glanced at Thorin and found him watching him intently. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Maybe you’re right and I will be judged for this for the rest of my life, or maybe people will forget. But I do know I’ll be ready for it.”

Dis cupped Kili’s cheek. “Oh, Kili. You are too trusting,” she sighed. She then turned to Thorin, ignoring Kili’s confused frown. “All right. You may continue this charade but only as long as Kili agrees to it and if there is any opportunity to end it, you must take it,” she demands.

Thorin nodded solemnly. “You have my words.”

“And you may only meet Kili here. If you want to take him anywhere, you must first ask me. You are also not to be alone with him in any event,” Dis continued.

A small frown appeared on Thorin’s face, but he nodded nonetheless. “I understand.”

Dis nodded but still looked far from satisfied. She stood up. “It’s late. You should leave,” she said brusquely. “And no need to visit us so often. We don’t require your help anymore. I will take care of my family on my own. Fili, Kili, come help me.”

With the cold dismissal, she went to the kitchen. Kili stared at her in disbelief, having never heard of such rudeness his mother even at her angriest. She had always been in control of herself and while her tongue could be sharp, she saved it only for those who committed the worst offenses, and even then she was usually subtle. Not so this time. Even Fili was shocked by her cold words-words far from acceptable to be directed to one’s own kin, let alone one’s king. He frowned at Dis’s back and for a moment it seemed that he was going to defend Thorin. But, he merely pursed his lips and followed Dis. When he noticed that Kili hadn’t moved, he stopped.

“Kili, we should help her.”

Kili looked at Fili and then Thorin. Thorin looked aloof, but that couldn’t possibly true after what happened. His cheek was still red and Dis’s words must have stung his great pride. Kili wanted to stay here with him, but he understood Fili’s thinking. To argue with Dis now would only make matters worse. Brows furrowed deeply, Kili turned away from Thorin and followed Fili to the kitchen. The sound of the front door shutting behind Thorin’s back haunted him late into the night.

* * *

He shouldn’t. Kili knew if he was seen and the words reached Dis (and there was a great chance of it now that she had recovered), he would not only get himself in trouble, but Thorin as well. He should’ve waited for a better time to see Thorin, perhaps once Dis’s anger had abated and Thorin was allowed into their lives again. However, Kili the weight of guilt bore heavily on Kili. He had brought this to his family. He had only meant to be with them, but instead it seemed that he had only turned them against each other. Kili had to take the risk and go to see Thorin.

It was difficult to meet Thorin, between the guards surrounding his house and the servants, it was nearly impossible for Kili to be unseen. Even using his hunting skills, it was difficult for him to find an opening. He watched the enormous house carefully and circled it a few times, trying to find a way to enter without anyone noticing. However, the place was well-guarded (as it should be.) Kili glanced at the sky nervously, noting the position of the sun. He didn’t have much time-soon Fili would arrive at Balin’s house and they would have their lesson together. Considering Fili hadn’t fully come to terms with Thorin’s plan yet, even though he disagreed with Dis’s decision, Kili thought it’s better to avoid bringing more wrath to Thorin.

Kili had almost given up, failing to find a chance to get into the house, when he spotted Thorin coming out of his house to sit at his backyard. A maid brought him a goblet of something to drink and left him alone. While there were guards around the yard, none of them was near. Kili scanned the area carefully and decided to take the risk. After a quick glance up to check the time, he moved stealthily into the yards, using plants and shadows to hide himself. His footsteps were noiseless and quick and he let the guards saw not even a shadow of his. He breathed steadily, forcing his heart to calm, knowing from past hunts that anything less than composure would bring failure. It wasn’t easy with the knowledge that he had limited time and was taking a great risk, but the effort paid off soon enough.

"I want to apologize."

Thorin looked up in surprise, his pipe stopped midair just inches from his lips. Kili saw his hand quickly moved to his hip where his sword should be, but it stopped when he saw Kili behind a tree near him. He exhaled, visibly relaxing once he found that there was no threat.

Thorin inhaled a lungful of smoke from his pipe, surreptitiously glancing around them to make sure that no one saw Kili. "Are you supposed to be here?" he asked quietly.

"No," Kili replied. "But I want to apologize for what mother said."

Thorin’s jaw clenched briefly but he took a deep calming breath. "She only wants the best for you," Thorin said, a touch of anger gracing his features and voice.

"She insulted you!" Kili argued loudly.

"Kili," Thorin warned, making the young dwarf fall silent immediately. "I understand her actions and words."

"But you're angry at her," Kili pointed out the unspoken.

The silence and Thorin’s hardened expression confirmed it. He had wished to patch things up between the siblings, maybe ask Thorin to seek Dis’s favor the way he had with Fili. However, he was more upset this time, and understandably so considering how rudely Dis had treated him the previous night. This wouldn’t be resolved quickly and considering the ruse, this tension would continue for years. Kili desperately wanted to stay with his family, but if this kept going on, his family would break apart, and if the Durins were to break apart…

"You've said that you will understand if I want to end this arrangement," Kili said. He thought of Fili. FIli always knew what to say and how to say the right thing, while he seemed to only able to create problems. Fili could make almost anything better, but FIli was not here now and Thorin was right, he had to grow up quickly now that his father was gone. Kili should learn to repair things himself before they were truly broken. "I also will understand if you no longer want to be bound by it."

Thorin frowned. "What do you mean?"

“Mother was right. I didn’t think of this carefully. I only think of the risks now, but not the risks in the future. While I really didn’t mind if it’s only my future at stake, I don’t want it to happen to you,” he clarified, frowning at the fresh memory of Dis’s harsh treatment to Thorin. “You deserve respect from your family and people, but I only bring you insults and mockery. I can stand a few years under my relatives’ care. You have my words that I won’t let them use me for political purposes.” Kili straightened his posture and nodded resolutely. He hated his uncles and aunts, but if that’s what it took to restore Thorin’s honor, then he would bear it just as Thorin now bore ridicules and affronts from across Middle Earth. "I’ve only thought of myself, but not you. I didn’t really think of how this might affect you, how harsh people could be to you. It won’t happen again. I will not fail you again as your sister-son and subject," he promised.

One moment, Thorin was sitting on his chair, his pipe in his hand, and the next moment he had stridden to cross the distance between him and Kili with a few quick wide paces, his pipe lying on the ground. "Don’t listen to your mother!" Thorin growled. He grabbed Kili's arms with both hands. "You have not failed me! You won’t!"

Surprised and a little scared, Kili recoiled slightly, but Thorin's grip prevented him from moving too far. He recalled now one of the reasons why Thorin was revered: because he had survived battle which took the lives of thousands. His strength was formidable, if rarely used on others, especially those closest to his heart. However, in the rare moments when he did use it on those who had disturbed his and his people's peace, he never failed to remind people why he was not to be underestimated.

Kili’s fear must have shown on his face for Thorin’s eyes widened. He immediately released him and staggered back. "I didn’t mean to…" he began, sounding shocked of his own action.

Ignoring the mild stinging in his arms, Kili nodded to calm his uncle. "It’s all right. I don’t break easily,” Kili tried to joke, offering Thorin a smile.

However, Thorin wasn’t reassured. "I shouldn’t have done that," Thorin whispered, looking at Kili's arms regretfully. He swallowed thickly and returned to his chair, hands clasped tightly together. "Don’t think you have failed me. You didn’t carefully think about the consequences, but I did. I don’t mind them but I should have asked you whether you knew precisely what’s going to happen.”

Kili couldn’t deny that. Indeed, they had both rushed in making their decision. “At least now we know better,” he offered.

Thorin frowned in displeasure. “Indeed. I hope your mother wasn’t too angry at you after I left.”

“She barely said anything,” Kili said, thinking of the silence that engulfed his house last night and this morning, a far cry from how loving she had been previously. Dis was angry still but he didn’t want to worry Thorin.

This seemed to relieve Thorin. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself. You haven’t failed anyone,” he reminded Kili, smiling slightly.

Though he believed that he had a reason to blame himself, Kili nodded to calm Thorin. "When will I be called to work at the forge? Since Mother has recovered, we may need additional income. She plans on expanding our garden so she can sell some of the produce, but it may not be enough."

"In a couple of years,” Thorin replied. He raised his hand when Kili began to protest. “You are still too young and your focus now should be on your lessons and training. When Fili has come of age, you may start your apprenticeship, if you want. If not, we can arrange your apprenticeship with other dwarves."

"No. I want to work in your forge," Kili insisted.

"Just because Fili works for me, it doesn’t mean you should, too. You may work elsewhere if you have any other interest," Thorin said gently.

"I don't," Kili said stubbornly, "I want to be a master smith like you."

"You don't know that yet. You are still young. You might find something else you'd love to dedicate your life to," Thorin said. He then took a deep breath and stood up. "You have stayed here long enough. People will start looking for you."

As much as Kili wanted to convince Thorin to let him work at the forge, he knew it’s best for him to leave. Kili nodded slowly reluctantly. Hopefully, they would have an opportunity to speak again soon. Kili said his goodbye and found his way out of Thorin’s garden undetected yet again, the image of Thorin's resigned smile as he left stuck in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too long? Not long enough? You decide! Visit me on [tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/tagged/thorinkili/) where I may be a bit too obsessed with these dwarfs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading the document to edit this fic made me realize that it's more of a VERY rough draft than an actual fic. I was out of idea not halfway to the (possible) ending but after reading this I realized it was because I kept dropping plot points I grew bored of. For example, in this chapter, I wrote the last scene yesterday. Originally, there was absolutely no point for this chapter at all. The only good thing about realizing this is I'm pretty sure I'm a better writer than I was a few years ago. Thanks, Hobbit fandom!
> 
> Anyway, I also may have to revise some earlier chapters because I noticed some mistakes in terms/word choices. I'll do that... one day. Yeah.

 Kili struggled to balance the tall piles of garden produce in his arms. He grunted when he nearly tripped, saved only by FIli's hand on his elbow. The blond was only carrying a small load-an unfair treatment, in Kili's opinion- but he did have his work to go to shortly.

"I can't see where I'm going," Kili complained in a huff.

Fili chuckled and gently pulled his arm to lead him to the right direction and avoid hurdles on the way. Kili couldn't see how far ahead of them Dis was, but since he couldn't hear her, she must be quite far. He could only trust Fili to be his eyes as he only saw little glimpses of his surroundings. Fortunately, his brother wasn’t in the mood for mischief.

"We're almost there," Fili said to comfort him.

Indeed there were more dwarves and men passing them by, indicating that they were nearing the market. Despite having been going there to deliver their produce for a few weeks, Kili still felt apprehensive about the place. The first week he went there with Dis was horrible. People stopped them to ask how Dis was doing and kept glancing at him in curiosity. More than one had foolishly breached the topic of the courtship, causing Dis's anger. She hadn't showed it to the unsuspecting dwarf, of course, but it was Kili who had to listen to her vent about Thorin later.

It was very clear that Dis still hadn’t come to terms with Thorin’s solution to Kili’s problem. Any reminder of it was sure to ignite her rage, making peace between the siblings more impossible than it already was. Kili and Fili were careful to never mention it, but every progress they made was quickly offset by Thorin’s regular visit. Kili always felt sorry by how poorly Dis treated Thorin those evenings, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Openly siding with Thorin would likely made Dis angrier at her brother, while allowing Thorin to be insulted went against the loyalty deeply ingrained within him. Thorin assured him that they all needed to be patient, but Kili wondered if letting this happen unchecked too long wouldn’t damage their family beyond repair.

Kili's sharp ears picked up Dis's voice as she haggled with a customer. They must be getting close to Dis's stall. Fili pushed his back to a direction and stepped away. "I have to go now." He carefully put the goods he was carrying into the boxes in Kili’s arms. The weight was nothing more than what Kili was used to carrying in training, but not being able to see where he was going made things very difficult.

“Couldn’t you stay a while and help?” Kili whined.

"I shouldn’t be late to the forge. You’re doing all right. You’re only a few steps away from the stall." Fili patted Kili’s shoulder. "I'll see you later."

Lateness wasn’t the only thing that drove Fili away from Dis’s stall. Similarly, friendliness wasn’t the only reason he chose to have dinner with his friends from the forge rather than with his own family. Vilir’s death had changed Fili’s view as well as Kili’s life. Fili had felt the burden of the change the most as he had been forced to be an adult far sooner than he was prepared, when there had been little support and guidance for him. Because of this, he had unfortunately learnt that some help couldn’t be relied on. Although, knowing Fili as he did, Kili believed that the bitterness would disappear, it would take a while to regain Fili’s trust. With a great sigh, Kili approached the direction from where Dis's voice was coming.

"Where is Fili?" Dis asked when she saw him.

"He has gone to the forge."

There was a pause before Dis responded, "Oh."

Disappointment was palpable in the voice. Kili grimaced but could think of nothing to say. Dis had tried her best to apologize, taking over the role of provider and nurturer she had abandoned in her grief, but Fili remained unmoved. Kili couldn’t help but feel bad for her although he completely understood Fili’s change of attitude. If Dis had had the choice, she wouldn't have abandoned them for so long, but not even the mighty dwarf race was immune to the force of love and Dis had loved her husband very much.

"Well, Thorin doesn't like tardiness. Although, patience, as well as some sense of propriety, would serve him well," Dis said. The second part was spoken quietly enough that the words were lost among the voices in the market, but Kili could hear it perfectly, along with the anger in her tone. "You can put those there," Dis directed. Kili saw her hand pointing to a direction, though the rest of her was obstructed from his eyes by the load in his arms.

With a nod which went unseen, Kili quickly moved to obey. The vegetables rattled against the wooden containers as he moved too quickly but he managed to keep them from falling. His battle training served him well, allowing him to carry heavy weight and keep his balance with little trouble despite not being able to see where he was going. Kili was feeling quite proud of himself until he tripped on an errant box belonging to another seller. Kili fell to his knees, spilling vegetables on the ground around him.

"Kili!" Dis reprimanded in exasperation.

Kili groaned. "I'm sorry. I’ll get them," Kili said, getting all the fallen produce.

Pride was the downfall of greatness. How many times had Balin reminded him of this? Kili should have been more careful since he could barely see anything around him. For once, Kili was glad that his brother had gone to work. FIli would've laughed has he been there to see this and wouldn’t let him forget for a good many days.

"Let me help you."

Kili looked up in surprise. Kneeling before him was a dwarf lass around his age. She was a familiar face, although Kili couldn’t recall having ever talked to her before. Perhaps she worked in the market? Indeed she looked as if she was dressed for practical hard work rather than day filled with pampering and luxury. Her thick dark hair was pulled back from her face in simple braids and her very-faint beard was left undecorated. This brought attention to her wide blue eyes which sparkled with both kindness and mischief. Her yellow dress was dirtied by mud as she knelt and picked up the vegetables Kili had dropped.

"It's all right, I can quite manage," Kili quickly said. "You’ll get your dress dirty!”

The lass waved her hand dismissively. "It's just a dress."

Kili tried to stop her again, but she had begun to crawl under stalls to get the vegetables. If Kili hadn’t been sure she wasn’t one of the dwarf nobles, he would be certain now. No high born lady would be willing to crawl on dirty ground to collect fallen objects. Even Dis, who was accustomed to hard work, would think twice about sacrificing her dignity this way. Sobered up, Kili quickly gathered everything so that she wouldn't have to ruin her dress further.

"Thank you," Kili said once they finished collecting the fallen vegetables. "I'm sorry about your dress."

The lass shrugged, grinning. "Don’t worry about it. It’s bound to get dirty sooner or later. Allow me to introduce myself. Merira, at your service," she said, curtsying.

Kili bowed. "Kili, at yours."

The introduction was unnecessary as every dwarf knew him, but Merira was tactful enough to feign interest in one whose life was almost entirely public. "I’ve seen you here often lately," she commented.

“My mother works here. I help her bring the goods before I go to my lessons,” Kili explained.

Merira looked at Dis curiously. Kili knew what she was thinking. She must be wondering why a dwarf princess must do such hard labor on her own. Before her recovery, although Fili worked with Thorin’s forge, it appeared to people that Thorin had been taking care of him and Kili. Kili was sure Thorin would gladly do that if Dis so asked, but her pride and protectiveness prevented her from it. Kili thought it was rather unnecessary, that everyone needed help at some point and there was no shame in it. Nor was there any need to be worried as it was unlikely for Thorin to take advantage of them in any way. But, speaking in Thorin’s favor would only make things worse for Thorin, so Kili kept quiet.

“Do you work here?” Kili asked to divert Merira’s attention.

“I suppose I am. I help my father here for a while and then go home to help my mother take care of our field,” she replied, shrugging. Most people treated Kili and his family with utmost respect despite their efforts to live as commoners, but not so with Merira. Her casual treatment of Kili as if they were of the same rank intrigued him. At the very least, it was refreshing after weeks of being stared at for being Thorin’s supposed intended. “Well, they would say I dally more than I help, but that’s what I actually do,” she laughed.

Kili found himself grinning, recognizing a kindred spirit in Merira. “The best workers are those who found enjoyment in their works!”

“Exactly!” Merira agreed excitedly. “There are few things I enjoy more than being out in the field in a sunny day, surrounded by life.”

Thinking of the days he went hunting, Kili nodded earnestly in agreement. “I think the same. Though instead of the field, I find it when I’m hunting in the forest.”

“Well, the field is rather different from the forest, but no less enjoyable! Would you like to join me later? I promise I wouldn’t let you do any work!”

“Are you trying to use me as an excuse to dally around?” Kili laughed. “I wish I could but I have my lessons. Perhaps another day.”

“Of course. What are you studying?”

“Various things. Mr. Balin taught me politics, economy, history, anything related to governance.” He laughed when Merira made a face. “They are quite boring, but necessary. I’m much more interested in battle training.”

This drew Merira’s interest. “Warriors have such amazing skills! I can use scythe, but it’s hardly anything like what they can do!”

Kili had never seen anyone fight using scythe, but as curious as he was to test Merira’s skill against his own, he knew better than to use the results of his years of training on a dwarf who likely honed her fighting skill by working in the field. Not everyone was as lucky as he was to receive good training and some couldn’t even afford proper weapon. While there were formidable fighters among these people, they were mostly not comparable to those who had prepared to be warriors. “You can come watch us in the training ground, though my skills aren’t that great yet!”

“Oh! Is that all right?” At Kili’s confirmation, she beamed happily. “I will go for a while later, lest my mother gets angry at me.”

Kili laughed. “Don’t let me get you into trouble! Well, I’ll go now. I’ll see you later!”

Dis nodded to him in amusement when he bid her good bye, but he didn’t pay her much attention. Later on, Merira visited him while he was training. Although she wasn’t allowed to come near for fear of distracting the trainees or getting injured by errant weapons, he was clearly thrilled just being able to watch. Kili sat with her for a while, discussing what she had seen and how Kili might improve on his skills. She was a great companion with keen eyes for battle techniques and a great taste for simpler pleasures in life. Like Kili, she had no interest in wealth and luxury, but loved the familiar excitement of exploring the rich nature of Ered Luin and spending time in taverns. Although, unlike Kili, she wasn’t quite able to satisfy these urges at whims. When she went home, Kili couldn’t help but miss her presence already, having been deprived of companionship since the news of his betrothal to Thorin was announced. But, he took comfort in the fact that they would meet again the next day. It wasn’t quite the return of his previous carefree life, but Kili thought that maybe his current life wasn’t entirely bad after all.

* * *

As days went by, Kili grew closer to Merira. They always made time to talk in the morning when Kili was helping Dis and sometimes she came to see him in the training ground. When they could, they went fishing together at a river. It was an activity Kili wasn’t used to but Merira apparently often did, although not entirely for pleasure and rather for survival. In return, Kili taught her how to use swords and found to his pleasure that she was a rather quick study. It was fortunate that Dis didn’t mind him spending time for something other than his lessons and helping her. He had felt rather lonely since Fili spent a lot of time with his apprenticeship in Thorin's forge, leaving him tired when he could spend time with Kili.

"You're getting old," Kili had complained one evening after Fili decided to sleep early yet again.

"I'm just tired," Fili said, half-heartedly trying to punch him. When Kili easily avoided his fist, he grunted and collapsed on his bed.

“I’m quite tired, too, from training, but I’m not yet sleepy!” Kili argued.

Fili scowled at him. "I have to work, too, don’t I?”

Kili quickly sobered up. As much as he loved to banter with his brother, Fili’s wellbeing wasn’t a joking matter. “You should ask Thorin to lighten your work if it’s too hard. He would understand.”

However, Fili shook his head, smiling at him again in reassurance. “It was just a busy day. I can usually manage.”

“Are you sure? I can talk to him if you want.”

Fili chuckled. “It should be me taking care of you as your older brother.” He grinned when Kili protested that they were only five years apart and family should take care of each other regardless of age. “I’m really all right. You shouldn’t worry about me and have fun with your new friend.”

Kili sat down beside Fili, looking at him closely. "Is that all right with you?"

Although Kili had mentioned Merira to his family a few times, she had never met Fili. All their lives, he and Fili had shared almost everything, friends included. They had almost been inseparable—Fili being the first friend Kili had and his near-constant companion. It felt strange for Kili to befriend a group of people Fili didn't know. Although Fili never indicated envy and only showed amusement whenever Kili talked about Merira, guilt still gnawed Kili for spending more time with her when he had almost no time for conversation with Fili.

Fili peered at him and patted his knee. "Of course. I’m glad that you're happy. I know I can't be much company lately."

"It’s fine. I know that you’re very busy," Kili said with a nonchalant shrug to assure him.

"I am quite busy," Fili agreed regretfully. "That’s why I’m glad you've found a new friend. To tell the truth, I’ve been feeling guilty for spending more time with the lads at the forge than with you."

Kili frowned. “You shouldn’t feel guilty. I think that’s only natural since you work there.”

Fili smiled to him in gratitude. "I’ll try to put aside some time. I can’t spend all day and night just working and studying. I should spend time with my family, too."

As much as Kili trusted Fili to always try to honor his promise, he understood his family’s situation very well. He knew Fili worked hard to the point of exhaustion out of necessity. Dis might have recovered and now also worked to sustain their family, but their condition was still unlike how it had been when Kili’s father was still alive. Kili thought of letting Fili sort out his priorities on his own, but, knowing Fili, it would likely be a long time before he dared to do something for himself. And it should be something for Fili! Although Kili missed spending time with his brother, he would happily keep himself company if it meant Fili could take a moment of much-needed rest!

Kili wondered how to discuss this issue when Thorin came to visit one evening. Thorin's relationship with Dis hadn't improved. Although she no longer insulted him or show hostility toward him, she still treated him coldly whenever he came to see Kili. She never let them out of her sight for even one second, even though Thorin proved that he never said or did anything inappropriate to Kili. For his part, Kili did his best to make him feel welcomed. After all, he had done a lot of things to protect Kili’s family at the expense of his reputation and his pride. This was a small way of showing his gratitude, but this was all he could do without potentially inciting Dis’s anger again, and Thorin’s smile whenever they talked made him think that perhaps this gesture wasn’t as insignificant as he had feared.

"That was wonderful dinner. Did you catch those fishes yourself?" Thorin asked. He leaned back comfortably on the chair he had unofficially claimed as his own, a respectable distance away from Kili.

"I did!" Kili said, beaming with pride. He had spent nearly a long time to catch them, but the time was well spent. He had managed to catch a big fish to serve Thorin, several smaller ones to preserve. "It took me hours, but it was well worth it."

Thorin looked mildly surprised. "I was under the impression that you prefer hunting to fishing."

"I like hunting. Standing still waiting for a fish to bite bores me," Kili admitted, drawing chuckles from Thorin and Fili, who polished his daggers and sword by the fireplace.

"Indeed hunting seems to be more like your kind of activity," Thorin teased him.

Before Kili could retort, Dis spoke up, looking away from the patchwork she was making for the first time since they finished dinner, “Merira, a lass from the market, must have gotten him to like it. They’ve been spending quite a lot of time together of late.”

The room was suddenly silent. It was the first time Dis had talked to Thorin without obvious venom. Yet, something was off, her words not entirely friendly. Kili frowned, wondering if this was a rebuke of how he spent his time. Thorin’s stony expression and the pointed look Dis gave him suggested that this was somehow an affront to him, though Kili didn’t understand how. Was Dis blaming Thorin for the way Kili spent his time? He was not at fault at all, but Dis was sadly not beyond blaming him for unproven slights.

“I don’t spend that much time with her,” Kili protested in Thorin’s defense.

Dis raised her eyebrow playfully, but something in her eyes told Kili that she wasn’t entirely joking. “So you don’t talk to her every morning when you help me bring the vegetables to the market and she doesn’t visit you when you are training?”

Kili frowned. “Yes, but I don’t talk to her that long and she only sees me when she’s able!”

Thorin inhaled smoke from his pipe deeply. "I saw you and her by the river the other day,” he said quietly.

“I don’t go with her that often!” Kili quickly said, not wanting Thorin to think he had neglected his duties. “I still go to my lesson and training. It’s just that sometimes I grow bored, so we’d go somewhere for a change of scenery.”

Thorin was silent for a moment, but then offered him a smile. “I suppose lessons could be tedious,” he conceded. He ignored Dis when she huffed at this before returning her attention to her patchwork.

“They could be,” Kili confirmed, glad that Thorin didn’t think badly of him. “But they’re important, so I won’t run from them!”

"I'm glad you don't neglect your lessons. But I'm sure Balin and your trainers won't mind if you miss your lesson once or twice, as long as you don't make a habit of it," Thorin chuckled.

Kili’s eyes widened in glee. “Oh, may I do that?” He grinned when Thorin nodded. He couldn’t wait to tell Merira about it and wondered what they would do on the rare break from monotony. Should they go fishing again or should they hunt in the forest this time? They’ve also talked about going to taverns together but hadn’t had any chance to. Should they finally go this time?

These thoughts were interrupted when Kili remembered his brother. Fili was still occupied with his weapons, appearing quite content with his task. He must have been tired, having spent yet another day working and training, but he didn’t complain. Even when Kili spoke of his boredom he didn’t indicate how he, too, must have felt the same of his own routine. Kili thought quickly. If he was to have this luxury despite not entirely needing it, Fili should have it, too.

“It’s been so long since I may have time for myself,” he mused. “Since father died, Fili and I have been so busy with work and our lessons.”

Fili looked up at the mention of his name, which didn’t go unnoticed by both Thorin and Dis. Dis frowned in worry, but was ultimately hesitant to express her concern due to her poor relationship with Fili. Thorin, however, had no such reservation, although he spoke carefully still. “Indeed, you deserve a day to yourself. A break from tedium does wonder to one’s body and mind. Take Fili with you, too.”

"I may go, too?" Fili asked in disbelief. The expectant look on his face brought a smile to Thorin.

"You have worked very hard. You deserve it."

The look Fili gave him that was both exasperation and gratitude, but Kili just grinned, pleased that things worked as he wished. He knew later Fili would protest that he didn’t truly need this, but Kili knew better. His look of excitement betrayed how he actually wanted it, although he was too good to ask it. Kili knew he wasn’t half as good as Fili was, but if the flaw in his character could bring some happiness to his family, then he didn’t think it was so bad.

"You should go before the end of the month," Thorin suggested. "I just received news that Dwalin is to arrive early next month."

"Mister Dwalin?" Kili echoed. He could barely remember the last time he saw the burly dwarf. Just like his late father, Dwalin was a guard for travelling merchants. Kili recalled a time when Dwalin spent almost two years away then returned with stories, battle scars and money which he quickly spent on homecoming parties and weaponries. Whenever he was in Ered Luin, he would train Fili and Kili, fixing their forms and teaching them more complicated techniques to keep them occupied until his next return. Kili both dreaded and looked forward to learning more from one of the best dwarf warriors in Middle Earth.

Dwalin’s combat trainings were unforgiving, rivaled only by Thorin's, when he could spare time to train his soldiers. When it seemed like Kili had grown to tolerate them, Dwalin would find a way to send him home with his entire body crying for mercy. Yet despite this, Kili enjoyed the times Dwalin was in Ered Luin. Unlike Thorin and Balin, Dwalin loved to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh once in a while. He brought Fili and Kili to taverns once in a while, treating them to seemingly endless stream of ale while loudly entertaining them and interested listeners with absurd tales from his travels. Kili was quite certain some of the things Dwalin had told them wouldn't be approved by Thorin and Dis, but that was precisely why he and Fili loved spending time with him.

Thorin nodded. "We'll need to readjust your schedules to accommodate Dwalin. I'm sure he would like to see how well you've kept up with your training in his absence."

Kili looked at Fili sympathetically. The blond dwarf was wincing, no doubt thinking about how he would have to juggle apprenticeship, Balin's class, and Dwalin's training. Kili was grateful that he didn't have to work at the forge during the day since he had his class, but he was worried of how Fili would fare. Perhaps when Dwalin had arrived, he would have to repeat his pleading tonight and earn himself and Fili some rest. However, for now he would think only of the one day of freedom he would have. The exhaustion to come could wait until Dwalin arrive.

* * *

Kili and Fili finally had their much-awaited break a few days later. Merira, whose parents were very eager to let her be acquainted more closely with dwarf prices, immediately befriended Fili. As they set up their camp at the edge of the forest near the riverbank, they chattered happily. Merira, it seemed, was quite curious about Fili after hearing so much about him from Kili, asking him endless questions about himself. Fili graciously answered them and asked questions of his own, wanting to know his brother’s new friend. However, soon Kili and Merira joined forces to tease Fili when it became apparent that Fili had been around adults too much, nagging them about the disorganized state of their camp.

"How old is your brother? He acts one hundred!" Merira asked Kili with a laugh.

"He's only five years older than me, but you wouldn't know it looking at him," Kili replied with a grin. Laughing, he dodged to the side when Fili threw a bundle of cloth at him.

"You should bring him with you more often. He seems to need young company to remind him of it," Merira suggested jokingly.

Kili laughed when Fili gave up talking to him and walked away to set up their prepare their lures for fishing. Kili and Merira were safe, sitting at a corner looking busy with vegetables they had brought from home to accompany whatever they caught that day. "I can't promise anything. He works at Thorin's forge during the day and has to study at Balin's house or train after that, so he doesn't have much time for outings."

"That’s a pity. But aren't you lucky for being too young for apprenticeship," Marira teased him, nudging his side. "Or should I say unlucky? I'd wager you'd love to spend more time with Thorin."

Killi looked at Merira in surprise. She had never mentioned Thorin until then. Of course it was impossible that she didn’t know Thorin’s intention toward Kili, but she had thus far refrained from talking about it. While Kili felt this was an inevitability, he also felt hesitant. Merira had become a very close friend of his. It didn’t seem right to lie to her about his life, yet he couldn’t let anyone know the truth. Kili didn’t think Merira would spread the truth were she to know it, but he wasn’t sure if he should take the risk.

Merira, unaware of Kili's thoughts, continued talking, "I haven't seen you with him lately. He used to take you to the town quite a lot. You make quite a sight, I must say. You can't appear more different from each other. I can't imagine how you get along with him at all!" she said with a laugh. "He obviously adores you, though. Why haven't you been together lately?"

As much as Kili wished to be truthful to his new friend, he couldn’t bring himself to be honest in this regard, not when there were so many things at stake. "We meet when we can. He has been busy," Kili lied nervously. He had always been a terrible liar, his expression giving away his true intention. It usually amused people around him, but he wondered if Merira would react the same way if she realized he hadn’t been truthful to her. "Fili is more trouble than help, you see."

"Well, if I'm such a terrible help, brother, why don't you help me collect firewood? I'm sure Merira can take over your task of stabbing the vegetables," Fili said with a scowl, suddenly appearing in front of Kili and Merira. He didn't wait for Kili's response, pulling him by the arm into the forest, Merira's laughter ringing behind them.

Kili grunted and put up a struggle, but FIli's grip was unrelenting. He grumbled when Fili finally released him, when they were out of Merira’s sight, and began picking up firewood. The task was but a routine for those who regularly spent time in the forest to hunt, such as Fili and Kili. With two of them working, it should be finished soon. Yet despite the draw of the cool river and promise of fulfilling meal, Kili and FIli lingered.

"Are you all right?" Fili asked while juggling an armful of woods.

"Of course," Kili replied. Then, after a pause in which Fili stared at him in concern, he continued, "Merira talked about Thorin."

Fili sighed in consternation, putting down the woods he had collected. "I thought I heard her mention his name."

“She noticed we haven’t been seen in public together for a while. I told her he has been busy.”

"I suppose people are bound to notice. Thorin made such a production out of it."

“But for good reasons!” Kili glared at Fili.

Fili raised his hands to show he meant no offense. “I know. All I say is that his appearances with you were very notable, so when it ceases of course some people realize it.”

Kili frowned at twigs he found on the forest floor. “Do you think people start to suspect that it’s not real?”

“I haven’t heard anything of the sort. The lads sometimes joked about the unusual relationship between you and Thorin when we’re at the tavern, but nothing more.”

If anyone wondered, at least they kept their thoughts to themselves. And considering how terribly dwarfs keep their thoughts quiet if there was alcohol involved, the fact that no one said anything was a good sign. Still, it was cause for concern. "Should we tell Thorin or mother about it?"

"Thorin needs to know," Fili said thoughtfully, "but I doubt Mother would be inclined to do anything about it."

Kili nodded grimly. Dis wouldn’t put him at risk, but it didn’t mean that at the moment she wouldn’t take pleasure from hurting Thorin’s reputation in terms of his relation with Kili. "You should tell Thorin when you see him next."

"Why don't you do that yourself?"

Frowning, Kili said, "You know well why."

Fili shrugged. "As long as mother doesn't know..."

"Are you siding with Thorin now?" Kili asked, disbelieving but hopeful.

Fili scowled, pretending to be dismayed by the suggestion. But Kili saw right through him and knew he wasn’t half as upset with Thorin as he had been when the ruse first started. "I am not," Fili denied vehemently. "I still think it's terrible of him to take advantage of your situation to bind you into this complication."

"He doesn't take advantage of me!" Kili protested, ready to defend Thorin yet again.

Fili held up a hand to stop him. "I still don't like his solution, and I never will. But, since this is what we have in our hands, we should make the best of it. People shouldn't question the solidity of your supposed relation with Thorin. If any word of possible end of the engagement reaches our relatives..."

Kili grimaced at the thought of it. "Well, I can’t tell him. Mother watches me very closely. If I make attempt to see him and she hears about it, I don’t want to imagine what kind of insult she will give him.”

Fili hummed in thoughts. "Perhaps we should arrange an 'accidental' meeting, or maybe ask Mister Dwalin's to bring him to tavern when he arrives," he pondered. “Or I should leave something at home that you have to bring to me at the forge, so you can meet him.”

Kili raised an eyebrow. "I never knew I have such a romantic of a brother. Next you will tell me to serenade Thorin outside his window." His laugh, muffled by dirt and leaves, echoed in the forest a short while later.

* * *

The break was precisely what they needed. Kili returned to his lessons rejuvenated. Even Fili looked happier than before. It struck Kili that he had been a little quiet before and he vowed to pay closer attention to his brother’s wellbeing from now on. Fili would find it unnecessary, but it was clear now how his tendency to put others before him could affect him. If he wouldn’t take care of himself, Kili would do it for him.

There was no need for that for now, however. Kili trained happily. Only a couple of days ago he had found perfecting his form, improving his strength, and increasing the accuracy of his strikes dull. Now, however, it seemed he had rediscovered the reason he preferred training over his lessons with Balin. Even his teachers noticed, praising him more than usual as he defeated his peers one after another. Were Fili there, he would present Kili’s greatest challenge and a spar with Fili was always something Kili looked forward to no matter the winner. But, Kili still enjoyed sparring with others. The efforts to focus and the aches in his body were something he relished, a reminder that his body was a sharp tool to defend his people.

The thought of fighting for his people always excited him. Of course he hoped no threat would come to his people, but he longed to put his skills to use. He was still not as good as Thorin and Dwalin but he was confident that one day he would be. Then, perhaps he would travel beyond Ered Luin. He might have been upset of Fili for thinking of exploring Middle Earth and Ered Luin might forever be his home, the one place he truly belonged in, but Kili was curious. Was the world truly as dangerous but beautiful as people had claimed? How much of the songs people sang was true and how much was exaggeration? Right now it was best for Kili to stay in Ered Luin, but maybe one day, maybe when things had calmed down…

“Kili!”

The familiar voice halted Kili’s thoughts. Others around him stopped, too. They stared in confusion but bowed dutifully as Thorin briskly approached. Kili’s confusion, however, lasted only a moment as he noticed the look of alarm Thorin concealed almost perfectly. He quickly became anxious, wondering what might have happened that Thorin left his forge to see him. Did something happen to Fili? Kili couldn’t imagine Thorin leaving Fili when he was in need, even if to call Kili, but he could think of no reason to find Kili personally. Kili waited apprehensively for his peers and teachers to give them some privacy, impatient to know the reason for Thorin’s unexpected visit.

“Are you all right?” Thorin asked quietly but urgently, gripping Kili’s arm as if to provide support.

Kili blinked. Of all things he had feared to hear, this was the last of it. “Of course. Why?”

Thorin frowned, looking at Kili up and down as if not believing him. “Fili told me you need my help. What’s wrong?”

“Your help?” Kili asked in confusion. “There’s nothing I need any help with.”

“Are you sure? Fili said it was important that I go see you.” Thorin’s brows furrowed deeper, now confused as well as concerned.

Almost at once it became clear to Kili what it was all about. He laughed, startling Thorin. His unexpected merriment didn’t put him at ease, and neither did the way Kili led him slightly away from listening ears. Kili was careful not to take Thorin too far away, however. Not only would some people think it inappropriate, it would defeat the purpose of Fili sending Thorin here.

“I’m all right. There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s just that Fili and I found that people have realized that we haven’t been seen together in public for a while.”

“Oh.” Thorin looked mildly surprised. “I expect it to happen at some point. I don’t think it’s too worrying,” he said in reassurance.

Kili shrugged awkwardly. “People are starting to wonder and we worry that they might start to think we have lied.”

Thorin slowly released him. “No matter the suspicion, I doubt your relatives would attempt anything as long as you are my intended, but I understand the concern.” He studied Kili closely again. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes! What did Fili tell you?” Kili laughed.

Thorin harrumphed. “Not much. I have just finished my work when he asked to speak in private and told me you need my help. I immediately went here.”

For all Fili’s complaints about Thorin making a show out of his appearances with Kili, it seemed that Fili, too, had a flair for the dramatics. Kili grinned. “I’m very much all right. But I guess Fili won’t be when you see him next!”

“No, he won’t be,” Thorin growled, although his eyes twinkled to show that he meant no harm. He smiled when Kili laughed. “Since I’m here, we might as well make sure people know our relationship is as good as ever. What do you think about a spar?”

Kili’s eyes lit up. Minutes later they were sparring, surrounded by impressed (and amused) onlookers. As always, Thorin didn’t do anything half-heartedly. Although they didn’t use real swords, a mere glancing blow from him hurt. Kili was certain he would be covered by bruises at the end of the day, but he didn’t care at all as he charged toward Thorin. His attack was easily blocked, but while Thorin had experience and strength, Kili had agility. He quickly leapt away and prepared for another attack.

They were almost equal in skills. What Kili lacked, Thorin had in abundance, and vice versa. Thorin wasn’t the only one who nearly landed his sword on Kili, sparring with bullish determination fitting for a dwarf. Kili wasn’t defenseless, leaping away whenever Thorin got too close and swiftly moving closer while Thorin’s back was turned. Thorin always managed to dodge, a small smile curling his lips in approval whenever he did so. This encouraged Kili to try harder and harder. His body ached the longer they fought, but he wouldn’t give up. He circled Thorin, looking for an opening for an attack and letting his muscles rest for a moment, while Thorin watched him cautiously.

Kili charged when he spotted his chance, aiming for Thorin’s sword. It’s a little ambitious, but it was something Thorin wouldn’t expect. True enough, he was rather slow in his reaction, even taking a step back as Kili aggressively target his sword hand. However, he quickly regained his composure. With a surprisingly quick spin, he hit Kili’s hand with his sword, making him drop the weapon, and pushed him forcefully with his shoulder until he fell on his back. Kili blinked in shock as he found himself on the ground, his sword clattering near him. He breathed heavily, a little disoriented, then Thorin appeared above him, smirking.

“Do you need help now?” he teased as he offered a hand to Kili.

Kili scowled but accepted the offered hand. Thorin easily pulled him to his feet. Kili took this to mean he had to train harder to match his strength. His breathing was also quite steady, as if the spar was nothing to him. In fact Kili wouldn’t be surprised if he barely felt any soreness at all. As harsh as his training regimen could be when he could spare time to visit the training ground, Kili must admit the result was undeniable. He was by far the best warrior Kili had ever known, with strength and stamina to survive epic battles instead of just measly spars.

“Not bad,” Thorin complimented him, his voice low and warm.

It was then that Kili realized how closely they stood together and how Thorin held his hand longer than necessary. He stared at Thorin, confused for a moment, before remembering that it was all a play. People were quiet, watching them in interest, a reminder that he, too, must play his part. So, he smiled up to Thorin full of admiration, hoping that to others he looked besotted.

Thorin smiled wider and released his hand, taking a step back slowly as if reluctant to be away from him. Kili must give him some credit—he was a fine actor. “Can you do another round?” Thorin smirked.

Over Thorin’s shoulder, Kili spotted Merira watching them with wide eyes. She bit her lip and waved to him, dashing away before he could greet her. There was no doubt she had seen their display of affection. Though it remained to be seen whether she told others about it, Kili was certain his peers and teachers would gladly do the part later in the evening in the tavern. In that case, Kili shouldn’t leave anyone in any doubt. “Of course!” he exclaimed.

They spent the rest of the training sparring with each other. No matter how hard he tried, Kili lost every time. It was frustrating, but each loss was a lesson on how he must improve himself. He listened attentively to all of Thorin’s suggestions on his technique, committing them to memory to be used in the future. But, while he didn’t mind his defeats, he didn’t fully enjoy how Thorin utilize them to reinforce people’s view of their betrothal. Each time he fell or lose some of his balance, Thorin helped him, an excuse to be close and touch without earning scandalized reprimand. Others might find this stolen touches thrilling, Kili mused, but to him this was an awkward performance, knowing that every casual touch would be construed as romance. Though he immensely enjoyed sparring with Thorin, he was a little uncomfortable with the meanings given to contacts that were usually common between them.

Perhaps Thorin realized this, for he stopped lingering so long with his touches. Instead he turned them so that his back was to their observers, allowing Kili a moment to collect himself out of sight. He said nothing, but the way he looked at Kili intently gave away his concern. He would never put Kili in a distressing situation even if that meant risking his name and his reputation among his subjects. Kili hoped to never put him in that situation, but it still pleased him to know that someone supported him so whole-heartedly. The thought made Kili smile easier and he didn’t resist when once again Thorin found excuses to be near him. He laughed at Thorin’s teasing jokes after a while and soon even made jokes of his own, earning smiles and chuckles from his usually stoic uncle. Always eager to please, Kili found these expressions of joy more rewarding than any victory. Any lingering unease was quite immediately removed by the sight of others hiding their smiles and laughs, having been convinced of the solidity of Thorin and Kili’s relationship.

At the end of the training, Kili refused Thorin’s offer to walk him to Balin’s house for his lesson. In the training ground, there were many witnesses to watch over them and ensure that nothing more than their acting happened. If Dis heard they had met unsupervised, she would be very displeased. They should keep their meeting in the training ground, where Thorin could claim to intend to observe the trainees’ progress. So, they parted ways—Kili to Balin’s house and Thorin back to his endless works. Kili smiled, imagining what people would say about them later in the evening (and how smug Fili would be when he knew this until he realized that Thorin would make him pay for his lies) and how his place in Ered Luin among his friends and family was once again secure. On a whim, he looked back and found much to his surprise Thorin still standing where he had left him, watching him, making sure he was safe. This made Kili’s feel warm and even quite cheerful. He smiled and waved to him before going to where his duties were waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about Merira (is that name dwarvish enough? It sounds a bit like purring in my head, which amuses me so I chose it), I have plans for her. I'm in a bit of a rush because I'm hours away from going to a vacation, so I may have missed/made some mistakes. I'll get to them when I get back. Any kind word to prevent me from panicking for being away from my usual comfort zone will be much appreciated. Similarly, fangirling over this couple is very welcomed here and in my blog. It's hard to feel motivated to write (and I have so many ideas for them!) when there are only a couple of other people I can talk to on this raft :( Find me on [my tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/)!

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I haven't learned how to write short fics/chapters. Sorry about that. Visit me on [tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/) to say hi, talk about thorinkili, or buy what’s left of my soul with photo/gif sets/arts of thorinkili.


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